THE WORD AND VERSE                                     Issue 2 - P1

The word and verse is an independent publication put together by  members of DU for the purposes of entertainment and is in no way intended  
to offend or cause outbursts of suicide.            -Dec-
 
 
 
From The News Desk[/font]
 
 
Rumor Has It:
 
Travel between the different realms of the Underground has been hit with major delays due to tightened security.
A new religious fundamentalist group calling itself Violet Christmas has pledged to cause havoc during the dreadfully PC holiday season.
Rumor has it that the founder, who aptly calls herself Violet, has recruited our own lepperochan and has given him the task of  
assassinating the newly revived PierreTheMad. It is no secret that PierreTheMad has been outspoken in his condemnation of most things  
Christian.
 
 
**Notice!**
 
If you are traveling and see an unattended package or a wanted criminal(Jestalessa), both of which/whom have been spotted briefly around the Deep  
Underground over the last week, DO nOt PaNiC. Simply repeat in a calm voice "Happy Holidays" five times and Abracadabra will appear  
and remedy the situation.
 
-SR  
 
**Another Christmas Appeal**
 
At this time of giving, please find it in your heart to help those much less fortunate than you may be.
As we speak, the population of a whole country is wallowing in poverty. The Word and Verse is calling Deep Underground Poetry to pull together  
and try to make a difference.
 
SPONSOR A GREEK:
 
For a mere $2.50 a month you will be able to keep a Greek in clean clothes and food for, well... for a month.
Non-perishable food items may be forwarded to Muggle. We strongly recommend that no cash be sent due to the crashing value of  
all cash everywhere.
 
-SR  
 
And now, a Party Political Broadcast by PoetryMan
http://youtu.be/jiN7z25iqpg
-SR
 
 
**Cancelled**
 
Some difficulties have spelled out a quick drop and sudden stop for the Erotique's production of their annual Nativity Play.
The parts for the animals were filled quickly enough with plenty of sheep, hens and cocks to be found. There was, of course, an ass for Joseph,  
and even the Virgin Mary, to ride in on.
 
The first problem arose when Mememe was chosen to be the Virgin Mary and she absolutely refused to portray herself as a virgin. She did,  
however, ask if they could reschedule the play for next September, as chances are slightly higher that she could be giving birth to a little  
Brown baby by next year.
 
To try and move things along, Tornado offered to don a blue scarf and play the part of the Virgin, saying it might be a turn on for Kymkym when he  
"spontaneously" decides to tie his ass to a tree.
 
The three straws that broke the donkeys back, however, occurred when not one wise man could be found that was able to be relied upon to  
follow a star rather than following his own dick. Ho ho hooo nooooes! Better luck next year, good People!
 
-SR  -EV
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**Given her massive weight loss, how cheap would it be now, for a kidnapper to send parts of Kym through the post?
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The Week That Was[/font]
 
 
Muggle has received complaints regarding the somewhat violent article featured in the previous issue of W&V. Strangely, the DU community is  
quite comfortable with the concept of "cutting with a knife and bleeding away [sic]", but not okay, with rampant "hit[ting] on the head with a  
stick and run[ning] away". In support of the complainants, and to show that Muggle really does care, there will be no hitting on the head with  
any sticks nor a hint of running away in this issue. Instead, we have sent the delightful Mugglettes (or ‘Lady Muggles’, if you prefer) off for  
massage classes, and this week we will be… massaging… some... muscles.
 
And with that I have the attention of all of Erotica. Haha, you preciously predictable bunch!
 
DU member,Aglitch, has invented one of our most successful forum threads to date. The statistics are as follows: 306 pages of  
three line posts, which equates to 4590 posts. The "Six Word Challenge" thread has been known to boggle some, cause multiple partner  
conversations, and even possible marriage proposals! Don’t get too cosy, though, Glitch, Ray Heinrich almost has you beat. The ever-so-
depressed Ray started a thread called "just one line, just three words" on 7th June 2010 at 04:42. This monstrous thread boasted 517  
pages with approximately 7750 posts, and was locked on the 13 June 2011 at 15:33 to protect some shred of our 20% of DU bandwidth not  
in use by maikeru555. But don't get cocky there, Ray; your thread was exactly 50% of the 6-words difficulty level.  
3-words effort = approx. 15 key strokes and 3 seconds thought,  
versus  
6-words effort, which = approx. 32 keystrokes and 6 seconds thought.  
And we all know the baby cats go for the easiest fish. So the statistical results of our most successful forum thread winner works like this: Aglitch’s  
"Six Word Challenge" 306 pages, x 2 (to compensate for difficulty level) = 612 pages. Win. Now, stop arguing, Ray, and go visit the Marijuana thread.
 
So our first coupon for a rather lengthy shoulder massage goes to:
 
**aglitch**
(you beauty).  
 
Muggle has only six words to say to aglitch…
 
"Ticket"
 
Congratulations,
you're a solid gold
winner!
 
A therapeutic massage is desperately required for our friend Caleb Metzger (aka cjmshadow), DU’s very own obsessive compulsive introducer,  
who has currently been a member for about 8 months. He is 19 and has been in the Navy for a little over a year now. He loves poetry a lot, usually  
only writes about things in his life like foster care or painful times, but "there are also happy times”. He collects knives, too. Muggle has found no  
less than five Caleb introductions... our therapy will begin next week.
 
What started as a foot massage, gently moved up her legs and wandered to her inner knee. His well written hands manipulated her to the  
extent of excessive excitement and Poetryman had to move up. He found her thighs perfectly placed to rub some “Poetryman magic" and tender  
love. Unfortunately, the woman got far too excited, so when he wandered inwards to her inner thigh… She SPAAAMMED all over  
his face with gushes and flow, spraying SPAM through all of DU land. It hit the faces of many members. Some didn’t find themselves covered  
in it and felt neglected. So Poetryman reported her and roared “Natasha 2 for 13 bucks” name all over a thread. Soon his SPPPAAAAAMMMMMM
report had become a meeting ground. Feeling neglected, after she was banned he went to another thread and opened a can of world war II  
‘SPAM’ all over the “Losing a friend” thread. Showing how much he missed her SPAM-spray already. As such Poetryman is invited to join  
the Mugglettes in the Marijuana thread for a nice long foot massage. (Don’t let him up, ladies! We don’t want anymore SPAM spray, please!)  
 
P.S. While enjoying your aroma-therapeutic foot massage in the marijuana thread, the Mugglettes thought you may like to kick back to this video, courtesy of Monty Python:  
http://youtu.be/UO7HY7Nz398
 
Since we're delighting members of our family with special massages, we have a special Mugglette massage ticket for our wonderful and  
beloved DU Webmistress. Yes, a very deserved one. And so, with jubilation and fanfaire, we congratulate "Miss Webosphere" for meeting and  
beating the 5000 member mark last week! Wooowhooh… The Mugglettes are waiting for you in the Marijuana thread with special oils, and  
a Plinth of gold. Enjoy!
 
I’m afraid this is where I have to end it... I have spent too much time in the Marijuana thread... the result is (with the support of Summit) I am some-
what in need of a hug (not to mention I kept a ticket for the full body massage for myself. Fuck you.. I’m from Ethiopia.) Oh and something to  
eat. Anyone got popcorn? I think Mo54 might have some? Or wait was that Mo56… Oh to hell, I’ll try all the Mo`s – those that are still here and  
those that have left, I’ll try them all… Just follow them from the shadows.  
 
The Mugglettes have the giggles at the moment…so please excuse me…
Oh – My – Word – that was PierreTheMad…Did you see that? I swear I saw him… I swear!  
Anyone got some Doritos? Seems that Ray has finished shopping at Haberdasherie's and has written us a new poem. 'Bout time, it has been two  
months after all. Far to busy here in the marijuana thread I'd say.  
 
It was! I did see PierreTheMad!  
Cheers fuckers.
 
(Or was it ... Panama Judas?)
 
-AJ
 
 
Disclaimer: Should you wish to have a fellow DU poet hit on the head with a stick or massaged, depending your mood, send a PM entitled ( Earth to Muggle:3 )  
to Muggle. Please note no Mugglettes, poets, cats or marijuana were harmed during the writing of this article; some, however were consumed.
This article does not necessarily reflect the skewed views and opinions of all members of The Word and Verse team.[/font]
 
 
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**Did mjs211 clone Benji and give him a new profile on DU as Red_Hot_Pepperz?
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Ask The Doc[/font]
 
 
Q -- Doc!
I recently got married and now every night my wife says she has a headache, what can I do?
 
-*&&_##$ in Missouri
 
A -- Mr -*&&_##$:
First, get some strong headache pills, crush them up and sprinkle the dust on your knob. Then tell your wife what you did and  
ask if she wants to take the tabs orally or as a suppository. I doubt you will encounter that particular problem again.
 
 
Q -- Doc:
I am an 18 year old female and have been with my girlfriend now for two years. I recently read some poems on DU that talk about bondage  
and submission. I think I would like to try it but am afraid my girlfriend might think I'm weird or something. How should I ask her?  
 
-Punkin in Paris
 
A -- Well, Dear Punkin:  
Perhaps if you direct your girlfriend's attention to the poems you've been reading, you could ask her what she thinks of them  
before attempting to strip and/or strap her to any given appliances or fixtures in your basement. You might be surprised at her reaction to  
certain things that appeal to you. Tread carefully, Paduan.
 
-EV
 
PM to Muggle if you have anything interesting to ask or add. But we doubt you do. Why yes, that was a challenge.[/font]
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**How many times has Hot Vixen heard "wow thats never happened to me before"....and how many times has redTbird said it?
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link to page two;
 
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/35614-the-word-and-verse-issue-2---p2/