The Decline Of Summer

I really enjoyed the imagery of this, Lozzamus.  Nothing beats summer camaraderie with good food and wine outdoors. You've captured that essence perfectly here.  

In the spirit of honest critique, I do feel you could tighten it up in certain places I've noted below:  


The end of July, and dusk falls sooner < - ( July's end, dusk falls sooner - I removed 'the', 'of', and 'and' because I don't think you need them)

evening shadows settle as August passes <-- I can't put my finger on what is disturbing me about this line.  Perhaps if you were to switch the tense of passes to 'and August begins to pass' , or 'as August begins passing'.  I think the way it reads now it's as though August has already passed, which doesn't read well into L3.

Perhaps if you were to split L2 as follows, it would read more smoothly:

July's end, dusk falls sooner
evening shadows settle;
as August passes, it whispers
"Life is speeding by. . ."  

Or,


July's end, dusk falls sooner;
as evening shadows settle
August whispers,
"Life is speeding by. . ."

Just something to smoothen the read a bit.  If you don't want to quote August, you could italicize. I prefer that much more than quoting anyway.

another evening, indoor lighting
muggy temperatures, drinkers
around a patio after sunset
sit to enjoy a meal with wine

Basically all I've done is revise the line breaks and remove extraneous words to tighten up the flow of the read.  Do you read your poetry aloud?  It honestly provides so many insights as to rhythm and flow.

summer-
only six weeks remain

At first I wanted to suggest the removal of 'of summer' because the six weeks remain was so powerful alone; however, I opted to suggest isolating summer, giving it the highlight it deserves after such lovely imagery of friends fellowshipping together.

In essence, it could read as follows:

The Decline Of Summer

July's end, dusk falls sooner;
as evening shadows settle
August whispers,
"Life is speeding by. . ."

Another evening: indoor lighting
muggy temperatures, drinkers
around a patio after sunset
sit to enjoy a meal with wine

summer-
only six weeks remain

See how wine now aligns with remain? [S]unset/summer - wine/remain.  

as for the title, I would recommend Summer's Decline to tighten it up.  But as you have it is fine.  

If you read both aloud, you will see the difference before and after.  Of course, these are just mere suggestions - I am not sure of your natural pauses or thought process.

It was an enjoyable snapshot nonetheless. Kinda made me sad time is passing so fast.  And that's a rare remark from a southern gal about to enter the dog days of summer!

Thanks very much for the critique, Ahavati. I always pay close attention to your feedback and I will begin reading my poems out loud on the screen.  Glad you liked the imagery.

Wonderful imagery L...down here in Ozland we have only a few weeks left of winter lol.
Cheers...Harry

Thanks very much, Harry.  I never quite get used to winter there,/summer here, and in reverse.