deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Red
These days I tend to see red
The gnawing feeling of being left on read
I still feel your last words pounding against the inside of my head
Carving their way into my brain
I should let you go but I can’t do that on my own
You can’t just pretend that you don’t know me anymore
9 years and 2 months clogging up the drain, the memories I refuse to erase
I took my time and gave you your space
But I’d rather you scream in my face
My bones ache under the heavy weight of your distaste
I can’t just sit around and wait
I’d rather just have you curse me out
tension crushing
courting through my veins
I’ve clenched my teeth and bite back my words
I know I always make things worse
But now I’m drowning in defeat
The gnawing feeling of being left on read
I still feel your last words pounding against the inside of my head
Carving their way into my brain
I should let you go but I can’t do that on my own
You can’t just pretend that you don’t know me anymore
9 years and 2 months clogging up the drain, the memories I refuse to erase
I took my time and gave you your space
But I’d rather you scream in my face
My bones ache under the heavy weight of your distaste
I can’t just sit around and wait
I’d rather just have you curse me out
tension crushing
courting through my veins
I’ve clenched my teeth and bite back my words
I know I always make things worse
But now I’m drowning in defeat
Published 5th Aug 2019
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The author encourages honest critique.
5th Aug 2019 5:39pm
This one hit me, it feels like blood dripping from an open wound, I can sense the anguish. Thank you for sharing.
19th Sep 2019 7:02pm
7th Jan 2020 8:15pm
The emotion is raw and candid, which is relatable and engaging. I'd go a little lighter on the end rhyming, perhaps alliteration, with it's subtle, subliminal syllabic resonances. Rhymes should be sparse in my opinion points of impact. Any of my lengthy posts will showcase many techniques I've developed over the decades.
If you'd like some friendly, positive and helpful feedback, join us in the group, Cafe Critique. I think the best thing about the group is the variety of approaches amongst the directors there, offering a wide array of perspective.
In kindness,
Daniel
If you'd like some friendly, positive and helpful feedback, join us in the group, Cafe Critique. I think the best thing about the group is the variety of approaches amongst the directors there, offering a wide array of perspective.
In kindness,
Daniel
