deepundergroundpoetry.com

I am defiant...

 
track my life map through the trail of my scars
some visible
others unseen
if I gave you a tour you’d still end up lost
cuz the path is ever changing as I discover myself
but what the hell…
let’s give it a shot

there’s always danger to be found growing up on a farm
and I certainly didn’t escape it unscathed
most of their marks have faded & no longer pain me
but at least one still remains
a constant reminder to pay serious attention  
and to always employ quick reflexes
after a hay-pick caused a jagged seam
top to bottom of my right knee
to be honest, that one still makes me grin
I see it all the time…it’s not something I hide
I was just a girl of seven…standing in the hay barn
wrapped up in my thoughts & completely taken by surprise
but it happened so fast I never even felt it
just watched in fascination as blood suddenly ran down my calf
I still get the giggles when I remember
the way my uncle blanched & very nearly passed out
scooping me up & racing for the house
a dog, 2 little girls & blood trailing along behind
you’d have thought somebody had died
 
at nine years of age I threw a fit
wanted to go hang out with my friends
but the parentals put me on lockdown
telling me to get my chores done
and I stomped through the house to display my displeasure
found myself angrily crossing the kitchen
stomping down on the corner of a bag of trash
right onto the sharp edge of a broken glass
leaving me with a nasty gash
nearly severing two toes
it’s a silly thing but I can’t stand to see it
reminds me of my bad behavior
so I hide the worst of it
carefully concealed beneath a sterling silver band
but it taught me the value of caution
and to always think twice
before I threw another tantrum

there are a thousand tiny remnants of a life in the making
chiseled & slashed into my physical being
some fresh & many slowly fading
most are hardly worth sparing a thought
ahhh, but those lines across belly…I’ll point them out gladly
I wear those with pride
representative of my humble part in bringing forth a beautiful new life
as I made extra room…kept her safe within my womb
and I sincerely believe for such an amazing gift
little lines are a very small price
I rather consider them a reward…a badge of honour, as it were
well worth nine months of discomfort
sheltering her close to my heart
I never view them as leaving me marred
 
for my first dance with the devil I earned another kind of scar
one less visible but felt in my heart
internal scarring both metaphorical & literal
leaving me with chances of childbearing greatly reduced
still…1 in 4 isn’t impossible
and I did manage but then I lost it
so we added a pair of circular marks
curbing all future options
ironic, as it happens
but we’ll get to that later
 
then there’s the tiny twin marks on my left palm
just at the base of my middle finger
I’m rather fond of them…
looks like I got bit by a vampire
started with a barely noticeable lump
sending pain radiating with every little bump
a ganglion cyst…as it turned out
surgery had me out of commission for a month
but I was back in action soon enough
though I did give flipping the bird a second thought
for a while it still kinda hurt
 
and there’s the pale line running side to side
I look rather dissected…like a science project
nobody sees it
my little secret
my second silent battle with the C devil
guess who won
since I’m still standing the outcome should be apparent
and though many another would lament the loss
for me…it was well worth the cost
but I’m still struggling to relearn my body
trying to find my new center of gravity
it’s still a little off
who knew such a small organ could cause so much trouble
but then again…it’s the source of life
so I guess it’s place in the world is vital
just wish it hadn’t tried to take mine
 
some scars are hidden where no one can see them
you know…internal damage still healing
we all have them
let’s bring it full circle & talk about my first
who would ever suspect the unseen birth defect
causing the doctor to shake his head & declare
“I’m sorry, this child will never be able to walk”
well…I promptly proved him wrong
(along with a lot of help from my mom)
story of my life
showing anything is possible
when they tell me I can’t do it
I just turn up my music
and dance around them
I’m on a constant trajectory to becoming my very best me
and no one is gonna stop me
one thing I know for certain
I’m probably not done scarring
but that’s okay
who I am today
is nothing
compared to who I’ll be tomorrow

 
 
 
for An Epic Competition
859 words
455 unique words
FromTheAsh
Written by FromTheAsh
Published | Edited 1st Aug 2019
Author's Note
Copyright © 2019 FromTheAsh. All Rights Reserved
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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