deepundergroundpoetry.com
Past Vs Present Vs Future
In this silence
in which we hide
I've had to consider
I am blocked
by past heartbreak
Opening a small wedge
fearful the array
of my entirety
could make an easy target
when launching
critical barbs
that highlight the deficiencies
of my complicated being
The love I won
that became subverted
has never had closure
and every time I resolve
to leave it where it was
the dreams penetrate
my sleeping mind
a force greater than my will
pushing me
to recognize
that ignorance
can't solve it
But how will I tell you this?
How can I warrant your blessing
and make you see
that if I face this fear
maybe the final chapter
could be to a current benefit?
I never knew why
I was so disposable
and I would rather have a clue
if it should happen again.
in which we hide
I've had to consider
I am blocked
by past heartbreak
Opening a small wedge
fearful the array
of my entirety
could make an easy target
when launching
critical barbs
that highlight the deficiencies
of my complicated being
The love I won
that became subverted
has never had closure
and every time I resolve
to leave it where it was
the dreams penetrate
my sleeping mind
a force greater than my will
pushing me
to recognize
that ignorance
can't solve it
But how will I tell you this?
How can I warrant your blessing
and make you see
that if I face this fear
maybe the final chapter
could be to a current benefit?
I never knew why
I was so disposable
and I would rather have a clue
if it should happen again.
Published 29th Jul 2019
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Anonymous
- Edited 8th May 2020 8:45pm
29th Jul 2019 3:05pm
<< post removed >>
29th Jul 2019 3:39pm
Thanks for the encouraging response. I feel I need to face this to finally grow. Yesterday, I thought I could put it to rest, but then the dreams...sigh.
29th Jul 2019 3:09pm
dearest Tender One
you are a beautiful soul
this kind of breaks my heart
I worry my husband will think such
when it's my deficiencies, not his
that makes me want to leave...
hugs dearest poet beautiful emotive write...
love Brenda ❤
you are a beautiful soul
this kind of breaks my heart
I worry my husband will think such
when it's my deficiencies, not his
that makes me want to leave...
hugs dearest poet beautiful emotive write...
love Brenda ❤
29th Jul 2019 3:54pm
Appreciate those thoughts, Brenda. Keep in mind, every situation is unique and ultimately we can't know how others will respond. I've been at a crossroads with mine, currently. I have been torn up for most of this year regarding a past relationship that ended very abruptly with little to no explanation. I received a brief apology and recognize that the gesture may have been to put me at ease. I responded very flat and thought it would be the end of it. Then, I learned the person was battling cancer at the time, and regret being dismissive. I was going to handle it secretively but a good friend warned me that if I am not honest to my current partner it could go very badly. So I decided to drop it, but it seems the universe keeps edging me to deal with the matter. So if I am doing it...my partner will have to know. I am fearful of the reaction, but I need to do it for my own need to move on. If I can't be honest now, I fear it will definitely effect any possibility of a future built on more honesty and trust. Sorry for the ramble...
29th Jul 2019 3:57pm
29th Jul 2019 5:10pm
I agree having lived that. Just really want to get all the shit behind me and move on.
29th Jul 2019 5:50pm
This reaches and can apply on multiple levels. I could def. relate to the part about feeling 'disposible' and fear of it happening again. When situations present themselves like this it always baffles me how someone you have invested so much care in can disregard the worth of another human being or the potential damage it might cause. Best wishes in your healing:)
30th Jul 2019 00:11am
Thank you for the thoughts. Believe me, I'd rather not engage it, but if it's going to keep creeping into the back of my mind, some step must be made to come to peace within. The result may very well be the same, but if I am honest with my current partner, at least I'll know I tried to do the right thing.
