deepundergroundpoetry.com
Flowers
As if I've never developed
the ability to speak
I stutter. I stuttered,
upon seeing your pretty
face covered up with
crimson flowers.
† to my Dearest 22/2/2010
the ability to speak
I stutter. I stuttered,
upon seeing your pretty
face covered up with
crimson flowers.
† to my Dearest 22/2/2010
Published 13th Dec 2011
| Edited 14th Dec 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
13th Dec 2011 9:39pm
I like how you've repeated that word stutter in the third line, cause as you read it you almost wonder for a second if you've misread - it emphasises the sense of being unsure, or shaken, as if you've tripped over something.
Anonymous
13th Dec 2011 10:38pm
The way you mix tenses in the third line has a profoundly poignant effect. It makes the reader realise that the moment the narrator stuttered goes on forever; there is no closure. "I've" needs a capital "I," but that's literally the only thing I can pick at here. An excellent, thoroughly emotive poem. Thanks for the read.
14th Dec 2011 10:36am
thank you both :)
your comments are appreciated.
jack: It got away. I'll correct it now.
your comments are appreciated.
jack: It got away. I'll correct it now.
15th Dec 2011 00:00am
15th Dec 2011 6:03am
and the way stutter is being used in the line it definitely gives me a wink:)
15th Dec 2011 9:31am
Black, purple and gray.
A stunned and dark feeling of loss.
I love what you make me feel with your verses.
Your short poems are greats.
A stunned and dark feeling of loss.
I love what you make me feel with your verses.
Your short poems are greats.
Anonymous
23rd Dec 2011 1:45pm
indeed - a very visual poem you have penned - thanks for sharing - ^v^
23rd Dec 2011 6:31pm
