Muse, Musing, Mused, and (not particularly much) Amused / More Grieving Daddy Shit.

 


Five decades of self'indulged commune with The Muse(s) has
         just disappeared as quiet (and quite as profound
                           in absence as ever it was before
              my beloved daughter "disappeared" a year ago.
No music. No music. No joy in the music as was for 50yrs.
Either from the massive "collection" or out of my own arsenal of horns.
Saxes untouched for a year now. Occasional attempts to re'spark are lifeless.
No image making.....no this nor that. Not any much of anything (is nothing).

20yrs of Cardiac Adventures, & 5yrs of Affibularity, Chronic Heart Failure
 have slowed me down,
     but not stopped me....until now

Oh, but this writing, this writing, this lofty fake po'etry.....'survives' the torrent of
        grief grief grief....though none of it renders much 'satisfaction'.

What I never would've imagined is how much I don't fckn Care.

All I care is that you are ForEver gone. No bargaining, No deals. No compromise.
       No amount of gold...can ever bring you back.

The hole[s] my muse[s] have left behind "don't mean any goddamn thing"

Nothing left but gut-wrenching Tears, Sobbing, Snotting all over my lame fucking self,
      every day for a year, and how many more years?

Could i have loved you better? (of course!)...Could i have loved you "more"? (certainly!)

Sure." Life goes on," but I become less "interested" wit each passing day'
(Wee's all just meat waiting to die
                                                                   any-way, anyway, anyways.)

Happiness? Not much of an option anymore..  Living this life near-always comes back
       to suffering, (& yes, worse for many on this despoiled rock).  Wee'll have a few
           Bright Moments along the way, but the more we cling, the deeper the sting.

Broken heart metaphor, plus broken heart medically = a loneliness that none wish to vicerally touched.......by love.


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NOTE: THIS POOM MAY WELL GET CANNED SOON. ENJOY IT'S "MEAN-TIMES"......