Broken tears

Moved to tears like it was vacant but they are broken tears of pioneers , light for poor eye seers...

I've done a lot of wrong and hurt but falling in love with you wasn't one of them. I screwed up when I should have settled with you. You are the best that ever happened to me and that never happens to me , so when it did , it was surreal in its actual premise like me not making sense .

I was scared and I did what I always do , self destruct cause I've never had anything good primer to you , all I've ever known is pain and you gave me happiness and that was scary cause I didn't wanna tint it with my darkness and I saw how left out you were when I was spaced out and that hurt cause I was helpless and you felt  helpless cause you felt left out when we both were , so I let go cause I couldn't take it anymore watching you go through that.

See now I just talked myself into a circle , forgetting what I was talking about , like that one time we did voice recordings and we both started laughing at me losing my train of thought , haa loco-motive … sorry for goofing off  but I am a nut and you know that squirrel...

Three years ago I fell in love with you... this wild tiger lily with crystal style emeralds for eyes with four eyes... who has thee most amazing laugh ever , to date!! That laugh that electrified my insides like there are little fire works in my blood and you set them off all at once all over my body...making me crazy every time I re-listen to those voice notes and videos , oh and that one time you were laughing so hard and mumbling over your words  trying to tell me about this kid with the skateboard , hehe that was … that was so beautiful , I was just in a trance listening to you laughing and all I do now is cry cause I cant hear your voice anymore.

I cant tell you I love you anymore
This time love just isn't enough
Everything that held me together is crumbling
I struggle even to go outside
Even worse talk to anyone.

I know I put you and us through the sewer and I lost the will to maneuver, I never had goals and dreams I'd just go out and take what came but with you I had purpose . I wish I could just let you go like you requested but I am counter requesting for my best friend though I know that can never be or even seen over this diaphragm like an ant looking up at a goliath spider from a soda can or monster can .

I cant sleep and it's only worse but that's my problem but you cared so much and made up plans and seeks ways for me to sleep on it and like lil dicky's molly song " even though I cant say I love , I love you". So if that means to step outside for you then I will and wont bother you anymore even though i'll toil over this coitus of the mind walking through halls of my mind … I am happy for you and wish you all the best girl an your moving on know well i'll have some trouble getting there... stepping on this broken tears...