deepundergroundpoetry.com
escape
he dreamed there were two,
one here and one there
and he escaped that way,
slipping through the sutures of the skull,
leaving a ghost to steer his crooked ship
and pay homage to the clock
and fix the car
and seal the leaks
and make sure she still had plenty.
he dreamed they shook it all out, him and her
and it was carried by a breeze soft and cool as fog
but he was gone by then
blissful, dying,
his words holy, etched in bone, rattling the incus
with the miles flying underneath
and the tires holding
and the desert a lonely heaven.
one here and one there
and he escaped that way,
slipping through the sutures of the skull,
leaving a ghost to steer his crooked ship
and pay homage to the clock
and fix the car
and seal the leaks
and make sure she still had plenty.
he dreamed they shook it all out, him and her
and it was carried by a breeze soft and cool as fog
but he was gone by then
blissful, dying,
his words holy, etched in bone, rattling the incus
with the miles flying underneath
and the tires holding
and the desert a lonely heaven.
Published 10th Jul 2019
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11th Jul 2019 2:16pm
slipping through the sutures of the skull,
leaving a ghost to steer his crooked ship
What fabulous imagery. The undercurrent of this is so sad. It reminds me of how complacent we become with routine, societal, and even worldly expectations of us at the expense of our dreams. That the only thing we can hold onto is an imagination that carries them far away from a reality that the term mundane would glorify to a great extent.
Good work. The repetitions not only work in this, they solidify the base.
Thanks for sharing.
leaving a ghost to steer his crooked ship
What fabulous imagery. The undercurrent of this is so sad. It reminds me of how complacent we become with routine, societal, and even worldly expectations of us at the expense of our dreams. That the only thing we can hold onto is an imagination that carries them far away from a reality that the term mundane would glorify to a great extent.
Good work. The repetitions not only work in this, they solidify the base.
Thanks for sharing.
11th Jul 2019 3:17pm
Ahavati,
Thanks so much for reading and for commenting.
I keep hoping for comments and critiques. I took a few classes at Writer's Village University, and the best part was the feedback. I miss it.
The prompt for this poem was a line in my journal -- "I dreamed I was two, one here and one there..." (Sounds like I dreamed I was a baby.) So I wrote the poem in first person, and I liked some of the lines but it seemed really flat to me. It may still be a little flat but I like it much better this way.
Thanks again.
Thanks so much for reading and for commenting.
I keep hoping for comments and critiques. I took a few classes at Writer's Village University, and the best part was the feedback. I miss it.
The prompt for this poem was a line in my journal -- "I dreamed I was two, one here and one there..." (Sounds like I dreamed I was a baby.) So I wrote the poem in first person, and I liked some of the lines but it seemed really flat to me. It may still be a little flat but I like it much better this way.
Thanks again.
11th Jul 2019 3:19pm
The beauty of that choice, javalini, is that it can be read as a dual split of self - or, even a partner. It leaves it open to the reader.
I wish there were two of me at times as well. Otherwise, I'm pretty content.
You're very welcome.
I wish there were two of me at times as well. Otherwise, I'm pretty content.
You're very welcome.
