Chasing Perfection

Just like you, but not just like you – a perfect you. You, but having achieved this and having completed that. You, but just slightly less this and just slightly more that. You, but with this, without that. You, but that person everyone loves. You, but not you – that shadow that you chase.

That shadow that insists you’re not good enough, encouraging you to follow them. Urging you that they are the best, demanding that you chase them. Telling you to chase perfection. So, you do.
You think you can catch up to your shadow easily – I mean, it’s your shadow. You must be able to reach that prize that it promises; you must be able to kiss perfection. So, you plan your route, plan your run.  

You promise yourself that you can make it, that you can change a few things here and there and transform yourself – that you can really be whoever you want and do whatever you want. So, you start to run.

You try to rewrite yourself; you start to work harder; you start going to the gym, start doing more work, applying to all those opportunities and beginning all those projects you promised yourself you would. You want to carve your life into that perfect sculpture in your dreams. You want to touch that shadow that haunts your days, that tells you that you’re just not enough. You just want to claim your life as yours. You start to lose your breath, the world whistling past you, your shadow still ahead of you. But, it doesn’t matter, you’ve closed the gap.

Soon enough people begin to notice your new life. You’ve got your new hobbies now and your new work now. You no longer stay up to the early hours of the morning swiping hundreds of times down your phone. Got highest in maths this time around, reached an all-time best fitness level. Oh, and you’ve made lots of new friends.

People make comments, admiring you and your sculpture, encouraging you on your run. But, other people make other comments. Maybe they’re just jealous, or at least that’s what you hope. The comments accusing you of charlatanic behaviour slow you down, cause you to stumble – especially from your old friends. Tree roots and irregular pavement slabs catch you off guard. Lost in your bubble of development you’ve forgotten things, forgotten the priorities of your old life that have inevitably leaked into your life now. With your eyes tenaciously fixed on the shadow ahead of you, you’ve missed things.

People feel forgotten – family, friends. Work left unattended – building up. Fitness, hobbies and personality decaying. With your myopic watch on the shadow ahead of you, you’ve forgotten the horde of shadows hunting behind and now they’re looming.

But you’re too far into your run; you’re gasping desperately for breath; you’re forlornly choking back tears. Legs numb - head hung. You’ve got no choice but to run.

Careful of that root and that slab, don’t lose sight of that shadow, watch the hunters. Even though your legs feel detached, even though your throat is raw, even though your thoughts are frenzied, you have to keep running. Because if you lose sight of that shadow or if you let them catch up or if you hesitate over that root or that slab, your whole world will collapse. Swallowed up by a flood of sheer anxiety. Eaten alive by absolute fear. Forgotten by the world – just another one of those who couldn’t keep up.
 
So, legs numb – head high. Don’t let your word to collapse. Keep chasing perfection.