THE WAR WITHIN (Heart and mind)

Ain't life a bitch  
Here we go again  
At it  
The war of control  
Between good and evil  
Between life and death  
Between me and ... me?  
So I'll be true to you (me)  
 
Lately, I hate you  
I hate your poetry  
Your sob stories  
Your "I wanna give life a go again"  
I hate your "staying clean"  
Your "lucrative business deals"  
I hate your "feelings of love"  
I hate who you are trying to be  

Remember when it was just us  
Just the one of us  
Together with no care in the world  
Well. I miss that  
I miss our wild partying  
I miss our casual encounters  
I miss the carefreeness  
I miss the high  
I miss not having those dreams  
I miss not having our conscience condemn us each night  
I miss you  

I want us to be  
Remember "LUST WITHOUT LOVE"  
"LIFE WITHOUT HOPE"  
"ME AGAINST THE WORLD"  
"NO ATTACHMENTS"  
"NO CONTINGENCIES OF LIFE"  
You fed me those ideas  
Remember  you said it is best for us  
I didn't believe you then  
I opposed you with my all  
I told you love was better  
I told you God is love  
And we went to war  
You won my heart over  
And when I yielded  
I realized you were right  
No one would hurt us if we kept everyone out  
If we secluded everything from our heart, nothing would cause us pain  
If we didn't care, we wouldn't face any disappointments  
You were right  
You were right about it all  
And I soon realized your new way of life  
I became one with it  
And now?  
I don't understand  

Why would you want to give all that up  
I know it's not because of that girl  
Fair she makes you feel good  
And she makes you feel at ease  
She makes you feel normal  
But is it possible that you feel more than that for her?  
You feel "love" for her  
I knew the shit she keeps murmuring would get to you  
The "healing" nonsense  
The "take life on" crap  
The "I love you"  
The warm hands' touch  
The side cheek kisses  
Is it the kissing?  
Is it?  
I hope for your sake  
AND FOR MINE  
That you are not falling for her  
I hope you know better  
I hope you have better judgment than that  
I hope you get out of this "phase" you are on  
And until such I time  
I am taking control of this body  
I will not have you (me)  
Leading me blindly into a ditch