deepundergroundpoetry.com
My Eyes Still Search for Yours
memories feathered at the edges
I chase your shadow as you tease
"too slow!" (and I already know)
dry leaves touched by a gentle breeze
I let myself rest and fall into your empty
wading through in search of your depth
swimming in circles, I let your waves carry me.
I sunk into your shallow as it’s all that was left.
you are a quiet chaos that I invite
a whisper in my ear when I'm trying to sleep
the jolt awake before I hit the pavement
but I always knew that you were just a dream
I chase your shadow as you tease
"too slow!" (and I already know)
dry leaves touched by a gentle breeze
I let myself rest and fall into your empty
wading through in search of your depth
swimming in circles, I let your waves carry me.
I sunk into your shallow as it’s all that was left.
you are a quiet chaos that I invite
a whisper in my ear when I'm trying to sleep
the jolt awake before I hit the pavement
but I always knew that you were just a dream
Published 22nd Jun 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 2
comments 7
reads 688
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
1st Jul 2019 5:39pm
First off, I love your screen name. I blinked hard when I saw it, such an unconventional combination of words that sparked a lot of thought process.
Your rhythmic rhymes are smooth and effortless seeming. It is enjoyable as they glide through the mind. I love the first line of the second stanza to distraction. The use of empty instead of emptiness is perfect for the meter of the write.
The whole write is quite original, encapsulating a demesne of emotional reflection that is intriguing.
Welcome to the site. I hope you enjoy your time here.
With sincere regard,
Daniel
Your rhythmic rhymes are smooth and effortless seeming. It is enjoyable as they glide through the mind. I love the first line of the second stanza to distraction. The use of empty instead of emptiness is perfect for the meter of the write.
The whole write is quite original, encapsulating a demesne of emotional reflection that is intriguing.
Welcome to the site. I hope you enjoy your time here.
With sincere regard,
Daniel
3rd Jul 2019 11:03pm
Thank you so much for such a thoughtful comment! I appreciate your words :) and my username is based on a song called Wizard Motor by Mogwai!
3rd Jul 2019 11:09pm
I've not listened to Mogwai much. These days I tend to listen to binaural beats or guitar instrumentals, what they call post rock.
No problem, I enjoy giving the kind of feedback I would want to receive. It's nice to meet you. :)
No problem, I enjoy giving the kind of feedback I would want to receive. It's nice to meet you. :)
22nd Jul 2019 9:07pm
Fuck yeah, I love this, poetess. Keep doing you, so glad to have you in the Deep!
27th Jul 2019 00:07am
30th Dec 2019 4:42pm
31st Mar 2024 10:45pm
I liked the logical approach in the surrealism of a dream, accepting it for what is and how to move forward.
Well done.
Well done.
