When I Say... (His Letter to Me)

When I say I love you ..... I'm saying that you have come to mean more to me than anything or anyone I can imagine on this earth. I'm saying that the very fabric of my being is being held together and tendered by the tapestries of your will - pull upon these delicate threads and my world will unravel and fly apart at the seams. I'm saying that my desire is composed in your wishes - that you have but to request and I will find an avenue to bring it to pass. I'm saying that you occupy my central focus of need, longing and passion. I'm saying that the thought of you brightens and enlightens my days - that when I dwell on you in my waking hours I'm happier - and when you appear in my night dreams I'm enraptured with a joy unexplainable.

When I say I need you ...... I'm saying that you have become absolutely necessary to me. I'm saying that my reality is composed of you. I'm saying that I must hear from you - I must speak with you - I must see you - I must be with you. I'm saying that you have become a daily requirement for me, a necessity that sustains me and keeps me going. I'm saying that you are vital to my balance and stability - that I have come to rely upon your smile, your zest, your zeal, your enthusiasm, your wisdom, your candor, your truism, your faith, your hope - you; I have come to rely on you.

When I say I ache for you ........ I'm saying that when you are not there and when I can't speak to you something is missing and simply wrong. I'm saying that joy is evaporated and life is sucked out of my soul. I'm saying that an emptiness develops - a huge chasm is created in my heart - an abysmal depth of hollowed out misery forms. I'm saying that I long for you - a thirst is created that only you can quench - a hunger is stirred that only you can satisfy. I'm saying that a real pain - a hurting void overwhelms me and I am lost, lonely and alone.

When I say I love you ...... It has become a phrase and an expression that does not convey enough of the emotions that I feel concerning you. I love to be around you - to be near you - to be in your presence. I love to talk to you and simply listen to your take on life. I love learning from you and about you. I love your wit and your sense of humor. I love your attitude and your demeanor. I love your strength and your weaknesses. I love your calm self awareness and your sense of purpose. I love that you don't take no shit from no buddy (yeah, I said "buddy")

When I say I love you ....... I'm saying that most of all I love that you get it! I'm saying that you get me! I'm saying that we are right for each other - that we are "the match" - that we have found that rarest of the rarities LOVE.

When I say I love you - I'm really saying: here is my heart you don't have to take it because I'm giving it to you - I know you won't break it because you value what it represents - I know you won't lose it because you'll keep it ever so close to your own - I know you won't abuse it because your nature is too caring, trusting, and loving. 

When I say I love you - I'm not saying enough.