Where are my emotions?

My emotions are broken...
My mother disowned me...
Yet I’m not crying or overly happy
Three uncles died...
I cried at the funerals
But I can’t cry anymore
All I feel is lust, anger, and desire
I’m never truly happy anymore
My exes cheated on me...
but I gave no fucks
I just said
“Whatever “
The one person I can honestly say that made me happy... doesn’t want to talk to me.
And I can’t feel anything but... anger towards her for pushing me away
I’m pissed at myself for letting her go
I want to talk to her...
But I can’t
So I broke others hearts
Cause love isn’t something I can feel
I appreciate my friends but that’s it
Love isn’t a word I know anymore
I moved away from my friends
So i now have a total restart
The first couple days I’ve let my lust roam free trying to find me something.
Lust, desire and anger... all I ever feel now...
I’m broken...
I have so much that I should be proud of...
But I don’t care
It’s just paper...
I applied for a job saying I can keep a smile...
I used to act... for years
I got pretty good at putting up a front