A little speech I prepared for my “man of the people” award

Of course I'd like to thank God    
because all the boot-lickers    
love a sycophant      
     
but I won't start there,      
so I'll scratch that out      
and scratch my ass      
[with the same pen]    
     
Maybe I'll start in the uterus      
where I was a half-cocked fetus      
swimming in a sack of womb jizz      
which pretty much foretold      
the story of adulthood.      
     
Should I mention my poetry?      
     
not sure where      
casual notebook ends      
and egotistical ass-hat begins,      
but I'm pretty sure the line      
slices through every paycheck      
that I didn't get this week      
     
or last week      
or the fucking week      
before that      
     
so going back to God      
(you useless motherfucker)      
maybe I should say thanks      
that you made me suck      
at everything      
     
apart from sitting naked      
on this rotten old porch      
leaning my ankles on a throne      
engraved "man of the people"      
while I choke down a beer      
     
laughing.      
     
     
     
*exit stage left*