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The Changed Terminology of an Impotent Man

A Glossary of Sexual terms
A 69                     My favourite Chinese meal on the menu
Adultery                 Educational course teaching maturity
Anal                 Something that happens once, every year
Bisexual                 A campaigner for more attractive cycle paths            
Blow job                 Using a leaf blower
Bukkake                 Secret Cake recipe made by the KKK
Cream pie           Only used by circus clowns
Chlamydia           The third wife of the Emperor Nero
Cock tease          Bullying and abuse directed at a cockerel
Cunt                 Not a very nice person methinks
Corn hole           Meaning your mouth, like cakehole
Cunny Lingus     An Irish air flights company
Cougar                 A big cat with sharpened claws
Cum                A beckoning word - "Cum hither"
Dildo                Building brick toy like Lego
Dyke                You put your finger in and plug up the leak
Donkey punch - Cruelty to animals - donkeys are so cute
Doggy style          Pet poodles wearing leather biker jackets
Dogging                Walking your dog in a public park
Erection                 The art of building a column
Fellatio                 A famous witch in a Shakespeare play
Fuck buddies     Friends that swear and cuss with each other
Fingering           Putting holes in doughnuts
Foreplay                 A golfing term warming other players
G-Spot                 A famous rave night club in Glasgow
Glory hole          A church that is falling apart
Hard on                Forcibly in anger turning your laptop on
Hepatitis A           A vitamin supplement
Hepatitis B          A killer bee that sucks blood
Hepatitis C          A stretch of water on the coast of Scotland
Helmet                A covering that helps you ride safely
Heteros                How a dyslexic spells heroes
Horny                Description of a Vikings Helmet  
Hymen                A greeting when visiting men only clubs
Labia                Miscelanious laboratory equipment
Lesbian                A person from the Greek Island of Lesbos
Masturbate          A debate involving many people (Mass-Debate)
Missionary position - Vacancy - Pimp for Jesus Wanted
Oral                 Most spoke word poetry
Orgasm                  A single-celled animal like an amoeba
Penis                  A slang term for a pianist
Heavy Petting      Stroking a large dog
Pornography       A branch of Photography portraits mainly
Prophylactic        A lactose intolerant Professor
Pearl necklace - Necklace worn by old women with blue hair
Pussy action        A cat playing in the yard
Queer                  A person who is strange
Quickie                  A fast recipe for Keishe
Rimming           The art of pouring coffee right to the brim
Reverse cowgirl  -A backwards-looking lady on a horse
Rusty trombone - Needs to be oiled to make music
Scrotum                 A totem pole traditionally made from skins
Semen                 Submariners and Sailors
Shag                 Laying carpets or rugs
Spank the monkey - When a monkey is very naughty
Smegma            A Japanese comic art form
Sperm                 One of the largest whales
Testicles                 Grabbing by the hips to see if one is ticklish
Thrush                 Crooks sorted out be The Man From Uncle
Urethra                  Roman god of columns
Vulva                    Swedish make of car
Vibrator                  Electric tooth and tongue brush
Wet Dream            A dream had by incontinent people
Wanker                  A boat with an anchor shaped like a 'W'
Who's your Daddy - A board game by ghetto children
X-Rated                    A classification of X-rays of naughty bits
Yank off                    Telling an American to calm the fuck down
Zebra                  A German piece of under wired underware
Written by David_Macleod (David Macleod)
Published | Edited 16th Jun 2019
Author's Note
The impotent man thinks differently
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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