deepundergroundpoetry.com
Hungry Visit (to Limerick)
A fox came to visit last night.
He was foraging for a bite,
he look'd in the bin
to find a strange tin
of out dat'd spam: food not right.
He was foraging for a bite,
he look'd in the bin
to find a strange tin
of out dat'd spam: food not right.
Published 15th Jun 2019
Author's Note
Entry to the Let's Liberate Limerick's competition ran by Cabcool. This is the second entry ... the first entry didn't have the right rhythm, so after a gentle nudge from Cabcool. So here's a second attempt. The 'joke' is a bit lame but I hope the rhythm is better.
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 29th Oct 2021 1:45am
15th Jun 2019 11:00am
<< post removed >>
15th Jun 2019 1:45pm
It needs an extra verse where every bin in the neighbourhood has a tin of outdated spam ..! (Thanks for the interest, btw).
15th Jun 2019 10:35pm
Looking good - {might suggest 2nd line is "he foraged around for a bite" because the second syllable of each line needs a natural emphasis (the other four do already)}
15th Jun 2019 11:23pm
thanks for the suggestion ... will take it up after the competition ends ...
Anonymous
- Edited 29th Oct 2021 1:45am
16th Jun 2019 2:23am
<< post removed >>
16th Jun 2019 10:37am
excellent ... enter it into cabcool's competition !
(Again, thanks for the feedback and interest - very useful to me).
(Again, thanks for the feedback and interest - very useful to me).
16th Jun 2019 12:08pm
Hi Rex,
Excellent alternative development of the theme with the additional verse.
How about "which glimmered and sparkled in moonlight" ?
Excellent alternative development of the theme with the additional verse.
How about "which glimmered and sparkled in moonlight" ?
Anonymous
- Edited 29th Oct 2021 1:45am
17th Jun 2019 2:11am
<< post removed >>
