Calling out for my angel of love man

Calling out for my angel of love man
Who is supposed to watch over me
Every single night
After sundown before sunrise
The one whose supposed to stay close to
My bedroom window at night
And guide my sleep with soft whispers
Of constantly repeating  
I love you to me
 
Searching for my angel of love man
Every night under starry skies
The one whose supposed to
unfold his two large angel wings
And slide them gracefully into  
The stiff arches of my back
 
The one whose trying
To cocoon me with his angel feathers
Caressing me softly like a baby
Comforting all my insecurities  
When every man ends
up disappointing me
Leaving me to feel nothing but dread  
Dread like a thousand darts  
thrown in my face
A dart for not being smart enough  
To be that genius God promised I'd be
Or pretty enough to be that model
God said I was
Man whose harsh words leave
My precious heavenly  
white dove spirit weak  
Drowning it in a deep oil spill,  
unable to fly, struggling to survive
 
All that I seem to desire  
At the end of the day
Is the comforting heavenly presence  
Of my angel of love man
My heart is so hungry  
To feel warm and loved
By the highest love of God
My heart is so hungry to be filled
With the fullness of love
The kind of perfect love
Man continues to spill out of me
Disappointing me and  
filling me with dred
That bottles me up in a bottle too  
Small and corked  
Suffocating me
 
I feel I'm falling from God often
Falling from the blue sky's of peace above falling thousands of miles
With no parachute to help me land
I look in the mirror after talking to you
I feel broken to pieces  
I'm a mess of shattered glass
I'm a wreak that you broke  
without concern
I'm shattered by disappointment and Dred
 
Cause to man  
I will never be perfect enough  
To have my reflection  
come back to me whole
Cause I have all these missing parts
From the fear, anger and lack you imposed  
You made me feel abandoned  
You made me feel a lack  
That every preacher keeps trying to repair
 
The preacher keeps  
preaching around me
In a thousand different kind of voices
That surround me all at once  
In my worst nightmare that stays  
A preaching that nobody seems to be listening to
Even the preaching serman man
Who keeps trying to mend me
Fails me too
When his negativity gets out of line
Discourages me
From seeing the light I was created for
The light that I search for
My angel man holds the key  
To remind me
I am just a candle whose string
 
Keeps hoping to be lighted up
By his tender angelic passions of love.
I am like a suffering infant
Who keeps needing a feeding from
This angel almighty I keep calling up to
The one whose strong arms I search  
For constantly in this disappointing world  
I keep looking at my compass the angel  
Gave me  
Wondering which direction  
My angel man went each day
I am like a helpless frilly ripe rose
Whose petals constantly await  
Each new day to bloom
For love with a man who values  
Me for how I am imperfectly
I need a kind gentle cultivation
 
That you find in a garden that I can never get
I keep searching for my own light
Everyday I yell from behind a preacher
That passes me by
I try to repeat to myself positive
Uplifting words, phrases
That I am whole repetitively
That I have potential in the godhead
That God made me powerful
That I can attract good things into my life
But my consciousness keeps refusing
To understand and believe
All I can do is hope my angel will  
Reassure me
Make me feel like I keep getting loved
When I continue to fall in disappointment