There once was an English bureaucrat
Who liked to take dumps in his hat
He’d stick it up on his crown    
And let it drip down    
That’s simply the way that he shat  
He bragged 'bout it to his girlfriend  
Who insisted his smell did offend  
But she came around  
The moment she found  
Out his hat-toilet had become a new trend  
She figured that she’d join her man  
So on her head she perched a hat dunny can  
They’d get many compliments    
From the ladies and the gents  
Who thought their stained faces were a sun tan  
They’d say “Ah, but you’re incorrect  
Actually, how we achieve this effect  
Is with our own poo  
You see, our hats are a loo!”  
Their friends 'ooed and aahed'  in respect  
The hat-toilet craze really took off  
And was followed by each and every toff  
Who pretended they'd heard    
About the top hat turd  
Way back in the days of Romanoff  
The couple were asked to a dance by the gentry    
And when they made their grand ballroom entry  
The trumpeters did toot  
A most epic tribute  
As all present got down on bent knee                                                                  
The Lord Mayor rose up to speak  
With fresh sewage trickling down his left cheek  
“A round of applause    
For our guests of honour because  
They make us so stylish and chic!”  
The shit-faced crowd clapped loud and cheered  
No one in town had ever been so revered  
And as they all settled down  
A kid in his dressing gown    
Got up and yelled “YOU GROWN UPS ARE MAD FUCKIN' WEIRD!!!”  
Written by RexDurkin
Published | Edited 17th Jun 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 1 reading list entries 0
comments 0 reads 90
Commenting Preference: 
The author is looking for friendly feedback.

Latest Forum Discussions
Today 11:46pm by EdibleWords
Today 10:36pm by Tallen
Today 10:23pm by Blackwolf
Today 10:05pm by LobodeSanPedro
Today 9:56pm by EdibleWords
Today 9:43pm by Trouble_Loves_Me