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Build a Home

Canít build a home with only two walls and half a tile
Canít build a family with a man that touches your child
So we tore it all down and take on the world
I know youíre trying your best for your baby girl

A stormy night, you come home with a torn blouse
Wonít tell me what happened, but we add to the house
A single mom with two little chicks under her wings
Taking on the world, so we can live like kings

We made things work, took it one day at a time
We made things work, but it was never an ease on the mind
And while You went to school, I did my best
To raise that little girl so you wouldnít stress

And sheís as sweet as can be, always listens to me
you would complain, say sheíll prefer you soon, guarantee
But that girl still Has my baby pictures framed on her wall
And when sheís in need, Iím still the first one she calls

I resented you a little, making me grow up so fast
But it was bound to happen, regardless the past

You want to build a home, you say you have all the pieces
He wants to be a team, but Iím not impressed by his speeches
But the smile on your face, I canít deny you, so I say itís okay
And I wish so badly, I didnít let your happiness be my sway

He wanted to be close, real father and daughter
You encouraged, saying someone should have taught her
But the closer he got, the more scared I became
You didnít understand, but I feared all men were the same

Things got worse, the situation continued to escalate
You saw, but you never bothered to investigate
A ghost grew inside of me, or perhaps it just now had control
It gnawed on my bones, and away on my soul

Twenty thousand milligrams, happily down the hatch
We sit on the lawn and watch the ambulance pass
Our address is hard to find, I remark casually
But you wonít make eye contact, and he stares incessantly

I wondered to myself, if a child has any freedom
But I find I donít when he permits the EMT to call me dumb
The hospital was a nice get away, the doctors wouldnít let me leave
Said the home you built was too dangerous for me to breathe

And how did you respond, oh dear mother of mine
Gave your power of attorney to that swine
You should have seen how my heart broke
Looking into his eyes and losing that last bit of hope

You said you were tired and you just couldnít deal
You were the breadwinner and you couldnít skip a meal
I wondered what happened, to you who took on the world
To give up and forsake your baby girl

I thought my attempt must have went well
Because that moment felt like Hell

You broke up, you say I matter more, Iím the baby you adore
But three months pass and you tell me thereís a baby in store
And I may love that little boy more than the stars
But Iíll never forget the pain as you ripped open my scars

Another eight months and heís a little early
Bet youíre happy you got married in a hurry
I smiled at your wedding, chatted with his family
And continued the life we had before the insanity

You never asked me if I was okay, even as he moved back in
And I never told you my escape would soon begin
I left before I graduated, on a train headed two states away
And it hurt to leave behind my precious, little Mae

I knew she would make it, she's a strong one
But I knew she would make it because he'd already won
You made a family, finally, built yourself a good home
I was happy for you Mama, but I felt so alone

I grew up some, learned nobodyís perfect
And he was trying his best despite the disconnect
I forgave him somewhere while I was growing in this new place
But deep inside, itís you I never wanted to face

So mama, Iím recounting it now, just to get it out
This was never meant for you, or even about
I want to heal, get over feeling like I was betrayed
To understand that while the choices that you made

Hurt me badly, your love never faltered
And I can put down this pain that Iíve fostered
So one day, when I build my home
I build it without including a throne
Pauciloquent
Written by Pauciloquent
Published
Author's Note
Please don't hesitate to say your criticism, I seek to improve
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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