Stand up night II

 
 
hi
--looks down at his hand--
...sorry I masturbate
a lot
--makes the sound of a razor humming--
zzzzzzzzzz
--blows on hand--

there..

my name is
Terry smith

I write my name
on my hand
in case i get nervous...
and forget

i remember
one time
there was this girl
and my hands were
sweating
like crazy
that night
my name
was ...

rorschach

..so I was at the station...
when my train of
thoughts
...got derailed
47 ideas....out the window...


,,,,before he became famous
I was having lunch
at Jeffery Dahmer's house...
...when I mentioned there was hair in my food
he said
"yeah it's in all the food."

when i was a kid
my family moved around a lot
we lived in a mobile home
on tornado alley

..so i was in the line at the DMV
masterbating...'
cause you know you have a lot of time on your hands
..when I got my picture taken
my eyes were only half open
...I was so sleepy

...when I was a kid
I used to make my airplanes
out of fly-paper
...'cause you know
it's in the name

I was driving my car
the other day when the gas gauge quit working
so I fired it
.....I am in the process
of interviewing now

when I was a kid
I asked my mom
why the egyptians
make mummies
she said
to preserve them
....and I said
I'll stick to the strawberry jelly

this morning I was playing
guitar hero
...you know
....just out saving lives

I was lonely
I bought a cuddle fish
...after sex
the damn thing would
have a smoke
then jump back in the bowl
...typical

...so I was in New York
at this all you can eat buffet...
I ordered the Rockettes

yeah...in the jungle
the mighty jungle
the lion sleeps tonight
...weee ee wweee doomm
bummboo laayy

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

( CHOMP CHOMP)

yeah that's what
I worry about

so...how many people here are from..earth
I see a few in the back
I'm not so sure about

one time
I was in the middle of the desert
alone and naked
I took a little blue pill
...I needed a place to hang my keys

..if you have an erection lasting more than three hours call a Dr....
I say call my agent
I got a movie to make


my shadow filed separation papers today
he said he just didn't have the stomach
to do what I was doing anymore...



.....lights dim to dark