deepundergroundpoetry.com
Not anymore.
I Think my Time is Broken, Wingless.
Breathless, Exhausted.
Lost.
Overflown, Overwhelmed.
Forgotten.
Washed Away.
My Time is Broken and as I curl up, wrap my arms around myself, there is nothing whole, nothing solid. It is weeping sensations of pain; unholy corners of something unknown. A Fear of what used to be familiar. A Restlessness. I whisper a prayer to be relieved of my sadness, without a god that will listen, without any higher power that would care.
Rays of sun are shining through the small pieces of lost causes; my light and purpose. I'm bleeding like water through my hourglass. I'm dying even though I have done everything. Sacrificed in true depth of my totality, out of will. I have walked away out of loyalty to the trust I place in people. I have stopped while trusting my ability to Rise. I have listened out of Love. And I have loved, my god I have loved.. and lost.
Today, I'm crushed..
There are walls of hope and dreams ahead, paths leading there, ever weaving the patterns of possibilities. I can see it still, blood in my eyes and feet that cannot carry me. Before that though, there runs a river of drowning hope - "Can I ever be healed?"
Regrets haunt my senses and there is no time left to say all I want to say. I am stronger than most people I know, yet strength has no place in a time lost and frightened. I'm not even strong enough to stand up.
I'm shattered all over my mind. As soon as I touch any thought to mend, it overwhelms and I bleed; it screams and I cry; It shivers and I break further. When I lay to rest, it awakes me trembling, suffocating. Haunting words threatening to wipe out memories I hold so dear, as if they never existed.
My eyes are so tired of watching my world fall apart. No safe shores harbor my emotions anymore - I am not safe, anymore. No known ground is sustaining my roots, anymore. I'm not breathing, anymore.
I resurrect out of Love. I know I will.
Time and Time again. Broken or Not.
Just not Yet.
It was such an Infidelity of my Safety, Love.
Such a Maliciousness to my Innocence.
Such a robbery of my Senses.
This isn't "love".
How could you?
Don't touch me in this moment, because I can't hold the pain of being touched and moved, and broken. Don't look at me in this moment, because I can't stand my pain, my reflection, my mirror. Don't speak to me. Don't speak words that will cause me to rise.. and fall..
Don't say there is Amazement in a heart meant to be broken.
Not anymore.
ღ
Skye
Breathless, Exhausted.
Overflown, Overwhelmed.
Forgotten.
My Time is Broken and as I curl up, wrap my arms around myself, there is nothing whole, nothing solid. It is weeping sensations of pain; unholy corners of something unknown. A Fear of what used to be familiar. A Restlessness. I whisper a prayer to be relieved of my sadness, without a god that will listen, without any higher power that would care.
Rays of sun are shining through the small pieces of lost causes; my light and purpose. I'm bleeding like water through my hourglass. I'm dying even though I have done everything. Sacrificed in true depth of my totality, out of will. I have walked away out of loyalty to the trust I place in people. I have stopped while trusting my ability to Rise. I have listened out of Love. And I have loved, my god I have loved.. and lost.
Today, I'm crushed..
There are walls of hope and dreams ahead, paths leading there, ever weaving the patterns of possibilities. I can see it still, blood in my eyes and feet that cannot carry me. Before that though, there runs a river of drowning hope - "Can I ever be healed?"
Regrets haunt my senses and there is no time left to say all I want to say. I am stronger than most people I know, yet strength has no place in a time lost and frightened. I'm not even strong enough to stand up.
I'm shattered all over my mind. As soon as I touch any thought to mend, it overwhelms and I bleed; it screams and I cry; It shivers and I break further. When I lay to rest, it awakes me trembling, suffocating. Haunting words threatening to wipe out memories I hold so dear, as if they never existed.
My eyes are so tired of watching my world fall apart. No safe shores harbor my emotions anymore - I am not safe, anymore. No known ground is sustaining my roots, anymore. I'm not breathing, anymore.
I resurrect out of Love. I know I will.
Time and Time again. Broken or Not.
Just not Yet.
It was such an Infidelity of my Safety, Love.
Such a Maliciousness to my Innocence.
Such a robbery of my Senses.
This isn't "love".
How could you?
Don't touch me in this moment, because I can't hold the pain of being touched and moved, and broken. Don't look at me in this moment, because I can't stand my pain, my reflection, my mirror. Don't speak to me. Don't speak words that will cause me to rise.. and fall..
Don't say there is Amazement in a heart meant to be broken.
Not anymore.
ღ
Skye
Published 7th Jun 2019
Author's Note
This was the moment that ended who I was. With it, I lost my ability to write. It has taken me years to rise up, heal up, and start over. <3 And I'm starting over, here at the Underground, with you.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
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8th Jun 2019 3:29am
8th Jun 2019 9:02am
lol! Yeah - it was not my intention to be great here at all. It's my situation that left me weary really. It's here only as a reminder to myself :) Nothing technical, nothing challenging, just a flat line to rise above :) Thanks for reading it though.
8th Jun 2019 1:58pm
9th Jun 2019 5:10pm
Absolutely, it also too a chunk of my life. It was a brutal form of realization, since ending up in a violent relationship was never in my plans :)
9th Jun 2019 11:15pm
One might think think abuse is loud and obvious, however, I fear it must be the opposite. The articles I read indicate much the opposite. Of course there will be arguments loud enough for neighbors to hear - but I speak more of the woman I might see in a grocery store, or even at work, with a mysterious cut or bruise - and yet she remains strong, quiet, wondering if anyone will notice - wondering if she ought to to cover it or let it shine for everyone to know the retched monster she has to go home to. Evidence of his violence. I do not know much of violence personally - and I always wonder - does she want to talk? Do I ask? Is there anything I can do? Is there an unspoken rule I am completely unaware? I pray for you and you do have an energy of love that will follow you and catch you and Rise you up again. This poem, is very thought provoking indeed.
10th Jun 2019 00:25am
I have to say that had anyone ever known or said anything when I was in it, I'd brush it away. It's too dangerous. It's in the center and core of the abuse, so linked to guilt and shame and an indescribable fear.
In the moments before you realize where you're at, all you know is what you're having, and nothing else awaits you.
You have no worth. Without what he's giving you, you're nothing. That's what you're told. And since no one knows, you hear no different.
Don't get me wrong, I'm fairly intelligent and successful, but this is a time and place completely unholy and lest you fight with all your might.. you will lose.
It doesn't matter how much you read of others coming out alive, most moments you don't believe you're one of them. It's often not until you land brutally in a choice of life and death, that you make that decision. And that's not a guarantee of survival. That's the scary part of it.
After it, you see others. In the streets, at the grocery store, in the crowd, and you lock eyes for a second. It's a moment of recognition, really. You see each other, and you're on two sides of a mountain, no way to reach out and help each other. I have left notes so many times, in secret attempts to show a way. I ended up, (once out, up and healed) having my house as a safe haven, a secret shelter, for battered women/those trapped in trafficking /runaways in transfer to a better place in their lives, and that's the least I can do ❤️
We have to do for others to make this world better 😘
Thank you for your read and your thoughts ❤️ You're wonderful!
In the moments before you realize where you're at, all you know is what you're having, and nothing else awaits you.
You have no worth. Without what he's giving you, you're nothing. That's what you're told. And since no one knows, you hear no different.
Don't get me wrong, I'm fairly intelligent and successful, but this is a time and place completely unholy and lest you fight with all your might.. you will lose.
It doesn't matter how much you read of others coming out alive, most moments you don't believe you're one of them. It's often not until you land brutally in a choice of life and death, that you make that decision. And that's not a guarantee of survival. That's the scary part of it.
After it, you see others. In the streets, at the grocery store, in the crowd, and you lock eyes for a second. It's a moment of recognition, really. You see each other, and you're on two sides of a mountain, no way to reach out and help each other. I have left notes so many times, in secret attempts to show a way. I ended up, (once out, up and healed) having my house as a safe haven, a secret shelter, for battered women/those trapped in trafficking /runaways in transfer to a better place in their lives, and that's the least I can do ❤️
We have to do for others to make this world better 😘
Thank you for your read and your thoughts ❤️ You're wonderful!
10th Jun 2019 10:50am
Welcome to the deep your writing is amazing. Powerful and understand ive been in tgese feelings.
10th Jun 2019 4:47pm
Thank you for your welcome, your feedback and read. I wish you healing if you've ever been there and if the feelings tore you, as they often do ❤️
All we can do is move forward, choose wiser and do better ❤️
All we can do is move forward, choose wiser and do better ❤️
10th Jun 2019 5:12pm
Ive moved on so my time has healed scars are there but i start my new chapter my wedding day
10th Jun 2019 5:45pm
Anonymous
- Edited 21st Oct 2019 5:45am
16th Jun 2019 11:24am
<< post removed >>
16th Jun 2019 4:16pm
I thank you, genuinely ❤️ It seems you found me in it and I'm thankful you gave it time and a few more reads. Few does, so it's huge for me when someone is willing. Thank you, HF
18th Jun 2019 00:58am
That was awesome...it felt like I was drowning in words that echoed my own, except mine was and sometimes still is of being lost and not knowing where or what is next:) SkyeCebh.
1st Jul 2019 8:41pm
Thank you, Grace, for your read! I know it's hard - and I find the moments of occurrence harder to convey in words. It's annihilation to the soul, each time.
I wish you so much better. You're worth so much better.
It will come, to you, step by step.
ღ
Skye
I wish you so much better. You're worth so much better.
It will come, to you, step by step.
ღ
Skye
2nd Jul 2019 4:56pm
1st Jul 2019 6:28pm
Your voice floors me, the emotions that pour with a clear torrent, like dragon fire. It is palpable, awe inspiring. Let me welcome you again. It is wonderful to make your acquaintance.
1st Jul 2019 8:44pm
Thank you for your presence here, Daniel. I find it immensely amazing, that you're hearing me, Seeing me, Understanding; It takes a flame to rid the veils off of Clarity, and you do it Gracefully, mirroring me.
I'm grateful, and thankful beyond it all.
ღ
Skye
I'm grateful, and thankful beyond it all.
ღ
Skye
