even hell has a DOB

it's taken me nearly a lifetime to arrive
but the long awaited day has finally come
I can't honestly say I was rushing to get here
I carefully took my time
it required a lot of deep reflection
much agonizing internal dissection
and a whole lotta nightmares
trying to catch my breath
and shit you'd never comprehend
but I didn't give in
because I was determined
to get you out of my system
to burn away all the pain still remaining

I get it…this is old news
and you've probably already forgotten
it was ultimately no big deal to you
just another exercise in cruelty
no point in rehashing
but it utterly gutted & hamstringed me
left me drowning in the blood of those memories
and now...
here we come to the crux of the situation
why it's always been so damn debilitating
just another day, right?
for you...maybe
but holy fuck...
you don't know how I resented
being forced to celebrate your existence
like pouring salt in an open wound
one you inflicted
hard enough to be in your presence
without having flashbacks
this is the cold hard truth
I never found anything redeeming in you
just a walking bag of malicious thoughts & actions
having to smile & wish you happiness...
that's the last thing I wanted to do

but nowadays...
ya know, I rather feel sorry for you
a creature birthed by your negligent upbringing
completely indulged & taught no better
it really didn't have to be that way
neither of us needed this pain
but I'm grateful to be in a healthier place
while you...well, you're isolated
with the monster who molded you
two lives ruined by one
it’s a damn shame
you’ll probably never be able to get away
forgiveness came easily
when it finally occurred to me
I'm the only one who truly survived
looking forward to living my life

so go ahead
enjoy your birthday
everyone deserves love
I've found mine
which is likely more than you'll ever be able to say
happy birthday, J
be safe

Written by FromTheAsh
Author's Note
Copyright © 2019 FromTheAsh. All Rights Reserved
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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