deepundergroundpoetry.com

Too Much

I spent much of my early to mid teens battling addiction, and slipping in and out of self medicating behaviours; from heroine to LSD to MDMA to speed, and by the time I reached my late teens, my addiction was full blown.
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I soon found myself in the desert, entirely shell shocked and semi muted from processing the underlying childhood trauma, and watching my best friend OD in the year that changed my life.   †
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Of course, I then started to self medicate by binging on alcohol, and purple heads. †  
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The ages of 13 to 17 were very much a blur as I became best friends with other troubled young people who were already in their late teens, early twenties. Being the baby, they always made sure I was OK, especially when experimenting with my emerging proclivity to self medicate. † †
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Itís something Iíve never forgotten, and its the platform upon which Iíve never taken that pathway again. Though, the thought has oft crossed my mind with access to cash, and copious amounts of time to myself. † †
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I donít deny those thoughts but I certainly donít act upon them as I do have a moral compass, believe it or not; and more oft than not, my children have always come to mind first. †  
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Iíve learned other coping mechanisms to release my stress and tension. † †
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Itís definitely a challenge as you never truly recover from addiction whilst you battle with that desire & hunger to numb your senses when life overwhelms, especially when changes occur. †  
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Iíve come along way and accomplished a lot, a lot more than what I could have ever dreamed of but my heart still breaks for the loss of my best friend, and sometimes, when life seems a little too heavy, I have to find my grounding in nature to catch my breath, and rejuvenate my being. † †
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Most people irritate me, especially when their vibe doesnít correlate with their words. † †
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Iíve been told that Iím a little too intense, and way too hard to handle, and I guess Iím learning to be OK with that because Iím not for everyone. † †
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Iíd much prefer to walk a lone pathway than be in the company of those who think theyíre better than others, and whoíve never known adversity in their life, let alone conquered their inner demons. † †
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Sometimes, the most painful goodbyes, are those that are never spoken as the heart shatters, and you choose self preservation over being destroyed by someone who doesnít know what they want.
shadow_starzzz
Written by shadow_starzzz
Published
Author's Note
Catharsis... can easily be found in nature, and never stop working on your inner self !
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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DevilsChild JusTim_ Ragnar Flayed_And_Display nomoth SerenitySongs
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