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OLD MEMORIES
OLD MEMORIES
Old days, you passed and went so far.
The further you depart, the more
I miss your smell that was inside
the roses that our garden bloomed.
I miss the light the full moon cast
through the vine trellis that allowed
the lunar tender light to pass
through clustered grapes and scattered leaves.
I still recall when we sat there,
and watched the stars to see whose light
was brighter than their sisters gleam
and wondered why they were so bright.
One said they were of bigger size.
Another said they loved us more.
I thought but did not tell the rest
to ripen our still sour grapes.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
____________________________________
Old days, you passed and went so far.
The further you depart, the more
I miss your smell that was inside
the roses that our garden bloomed.
I miss the light the full moon cast
through the vine trellis that allowed
the lunar tender light to pass
through clustered grapes and scattered leaves.
I still recall when we sat there,
and watched the stars to see whose light
was brighter than their sisters gleam
and wondered why they were so bright.
One said they were of bigger size.
Another said they loved us more.
I thought but did not tell the rest
to ripen our still sour grapes.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
____________________________________
Published 26th May 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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28th May 2019 5:19pm
I find your first four lines puzzling since days do not depart ("to leave, especially to go on a journey") and one cannot depart farther away from one's point of departure, let alone ***continue*** to leave a place to go on a journey.
And your first line contains a comparative that needs to be filled out (so far as **what**?) for it to make sense.
Furthermore, even granting that old days have a particular smell, is it really the case that it was always (or only) inside particular roses?
You should also note two mote things.
(1) that except when it is used to mean "to coat (something) with a special surface layer so as to reduce reflection from its surface", the verb "bloom" is intransitive, and
(2) that gardens do not "bloom" roses (or any flower, for that matter).
You'll need to change the wording of these lines if you wish to felicitously convey the idea that certain days that you now miss keep receding in time.
And your first line contains a comparative that needs to be filled out (so far as **what**?) for it to make sense.
Furthermore, even granting that old days have a particular smell, is it really the case that it was always (or only) inside particular roses?
You should also note two mote things.
(1) that except when it is used to mean "to coat (something) with a special surface layer so as to reduce reflection from its surface", the verb "bloom" is intransitive, and
(2) that gardens do not "bloom" roses (or any flower, for that matter).
You'll need to change the wording of these lines if you wish to felicitously convey the idea that certain days that you now miss keep receding in time.
Dear Baldwin,
1-so far: is not comparative. It means: very far. I wonder if it is possible that you don't know this simple idea.
2-Don't you know my dear friend that poetry uses images, similes, metaphors, etc
3-garden can't bloom roses, but can be bloomed with roses. Dear Baldwin, l admit after looking BLOOM in a dictionary that it is intransitive, but there is poetic licence. Anyhow, thank you for your help.
1-so far: is not comparative. It means: very far. I wonder if it is possible that you don't know this simple idea.
2-Don't you know my dear friend that poetry uses images, similes, metaphors, etc
3-garden can't bloom roses, but can be bloomed with roses. Dear Baldwin, l admit after looking BLOOM in a dictionary that it is intransitive, but there is poetic licence. Anyhow, thank you for your help.
1-so far: is not comparative. It means: very far. I wonder if it is possible that you don't know this simple idea.
2-Don't you know my dear friend that poetry uses images, similes, metaphors, etc
What I know is that "so far" means "very far" only when it is used with "as" and then is followed by a correlative. Otherwise it means "up until now" as in "so far so good". https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/so-far
See the OED:
a. Without correlative word or clause.
a1300 Cursor Mundi 2253 Now we haue vs sped sa ferr, Vr wil may he noght vs merr.
1390 J. Gower Confessio Amantis II. 33 Yit so fer cowthe I nevere finde Man that..Me cowthe teche such an art.
1535 Bible (Coverdale) Psalms cii. 12 Loke how wyde the east is from the west, so farre hath he set oure synnes from vs.
1611 Bible (King James) Psalms xxii. 1 Why art thou so far from helping me?
1696 in A. Telfair New Confut. Sadducism Pref. sig. A2 Having once gone so far, they will be easily be induced to believe, that there's no Resurrection at all.
1754 D. Hume Hist. Eng. (1812) I. App. i. 198 He [the King] was even, so far, on a level with the people.
a1797 H. Howard in 3rd Rep. Royal Comm. Hist. MSS (1872) 433/2 Every place given to an Englishman is so far a loss to the people.
1821 Scott Kenilworth III. ii. 37 Will you so far trust me?
1832 C. C. F. Greville Mem. 27 Mar. (1874) II. 273 I have no doubt that all the ultras will be deeply mortified..at the success so far of ‘the Waverers’.
1892 Speaker 3 Sept. 288/1 Nothing has, so far, been allowed to transpire as to its name and contents.
in combination.
1880 Nature 26 Feb. 407/2 This so-far improved feature of temperature.
(Hide quotations)
b. Followed by as, with various constructions.
Examples of the literal sense are placed under (b).
[a1400 (▸a1325) Cursor Mundi (Vesp.) l. 16386 Sacles es he sa feir se sum i can.]
(a)
1485 Sc. Acts James III (1814) II. 172 Şe Custumaris at şair comptis making..to be dischargit of safer as şai deliuer to şe said wardan & changeour.
1565 T. Stapleton tr. F. Staphylus Apologie 148 Some are.. courtly protestants, which admit Luther so farre as them list.
1723 R. Blackmore Hist. Conspiracy Pref. sig. A 8 v Some..only advanced so far as to excite Popular Jealousies.
1742 Johnson Deb. Senate Lilliput in Gentleman's Mag. Nov. 568 The Law..is however to be so far fixed, as that every Man may know his own Condition.
1779 Mirror No. 14 I had actually gone so far as to write three introductory sentences.
1801 Farmer's Mag. Jan. 39 So far as I can now recollect.
1859 ‘G. Eliot’ Adam Bede II. ii. xviii. 38 Who played the part of steward so far as it was not performed by old Mr. Donnithorne himself.
1879 W. E. Gladstone Gleanings Past Years II. vi. 313 So far as we can gather, a sober estimate prevails.
(b)
1513 G. Douglas tr. Virgil Æneid vi. iii. 83 Sa fer before Achates and Enee As thai mycht weil behald thaim with thair E.
1675 in Rep. Royal Comm. Hist. MSS: Var. Coll. IV. 247 Cleanseing the shallowes in the river so farre as Crane Bridge.
1806 T. S. Surr Winter in London I. iv. 76 Have you in your rambles, ever reached so far as the Park, Edward?
1898 E. P. Evans Evol. Ethics vi. 216 He sees clearly so far as his lantern casts its rays.
And I am quite aware that poetry uses figures of speech. But the issue is whether you have used any in this piece of yours, let alone correctly or in ways that, given the meaning of the words employed within them, make sense.
2-Don't you know my dear friend that poetry uses images, similes, metaphors, etc
What I know is that "so far" means "very far" only when it is used with "as" and then is followed by a correlative. Otherwise it means "up until now" as in "so far so good". https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/so-far
See the OED:
a. Without correlative word or clause.
a1300 Cursor Mundi 2253 Now we haue vs sped sa ferr, Vr wil may he noght vs merr.
1390 J. Gower Confessio Amantis II. 33 Yit so fer cowthe I nevere finde Man that..Me cowthe teche such an art.
1535 Bible (Coverdale) Psalms cii. 12 Loke how wyde the east is from the west, so farre hath he set oure synnes from vs.
1611 Bible (King James) Psalms xxii. 1 Why art thou so far from helping me?
1696 in A. Telfair New Confut. Sadducism Pref. sig. A2 Having once gone so far, they will be easily be induced to believe, that there's no Resurrection at all.
1754 D. Hume Hist. Eng. (1812) I. App. i. 198 He [the King] was even, so far, on a level with the people.
a1797 H. Howard in 3rd Rep. Royal Comm. Hist. MSS (1872) 433/2 Every place given to an Englishman is so far a loss to the people.
1821 Scott Kenilworth III. ii. 37 Will you so far trust me?
1832 C. C. F. Greville Mem. 27 Mar. (1874) II. 273 I have no doubt that all the ultras will be deeply mortified..at the success so far of ‘the Waverers’.
1892 Speaker 3 Sept. 288/1 Nothing has, so far, been allowed to transpire as to its name and contents.
in combination.
1880 Nature 26 Feb. 407/2 This so-far improved feature of temperature.
(Hide quotations)
b. Followed by as, with various constructions.
Examples of the literal sense are placed under (b).
[a1400 (▸a1325) Cursor Mundi (Vesp.) l. 16386 Sacles es he sa feir se sum i can.]
(a)
1485 Sc. Acts James III (1814) II. 172 Şe Custumaris at şair comptis making..to be dischargit of safer as şai deliuer to şe said wardan & changeour.
1565 T. Stapleton tr. F. Staphylus Apologie 148 Some are.. courtly protestants, which admit Luther so farre as them list.
1723 R. Blackmore Hist. Conspiracy Pref. sig. A 8 v Some..only advanced so far as to excite Popular Jealousies.
1742 Johnson Deb. Senate Lilliput in Gentleman's Mag. Nov. 568 The Law..is however to be so far fixed, as that every Man may know his own Condition.
1779 Mirror No. 14 I had actually gone so far as to write three introductory sentences.
1801 Farmer's Mag. Jan. 39 So far as I can now recollect.
1859 ‘G. Eliot’ Adam Bede II. ii. xviii. 38 Who played the part of steward so far as it was not performed by old Mr. Donnithorne himself.
1879 W. E. Gladstone Gleanings Past Years II. vi. 313 So far as we can gather, a sober estimate prevails.
(b)
1513 G. Douglas tr. Virgil Æneid vi. iii. 83 Sa fer before Achates and Enee As thai mycht weil behald thaim with thair E.
1675 in Rep. Royal Comm. Hist. MSS: Var. Coll. IV. 247 Cleanseing the shallowes in the river so farre as Crane Bridge.
1806 T. S. Surr Winter in London I. iv. 76 Have you in your rambles, ever reached so far as the Park, Edward?
1898 E. P. Evans Evol. Ethics vi. 216 He sees clearly so far as his lantern casts its rays.
And I am quite aware that poetry uses figures of speech. But the issue is whether you have used any in this piece of yours, let alone correctly or in ways that, given the meaning of the words employed within them, make sense.
Dear Baldwin,
Is it possible you spend such a long time writing and rewriting what nobody is interested to read. What are you trying to say. Please show me your perfect poetry instead.
Is it possible you spend such a long time writing and rewriting what nobody is interested to read. What are you trying to say. Please show me your perfect poetry instead.
8th Jun 2019 3:53pm
Please tell me how showing you "my perfect poetry" would demonstrate that **you** have used figures of speech in this "poem" of yours, let alone that you have used them correctly or in ways that, given the meaning of the words employed within them, make sense.
I'd also be grateful to know whether or not you think that it is impossible for you to write poorly.
I'd also be grateful to know whether or not you think that it is impossible for you to write poorly.
