deepundergroundpoetry.com
HE LEFT EMPTY-ANDED.
HE LEFT EMPTY-HANDED.
A wise man once had got so rich,
and gathered tanks of gold at home.
He asked his sisters once a year
to rub the gold and find the sum.
He was respected by all men
as he helped all who had a need.
He spent on people quite a lot
despite all that his gold increased.
The city and the countryside
respected him for his great wealth.
He did his best to gain their love,
but gold moved their hearts and their breath.
He wrote in his will ere he died
to make two holes in his coffin,
and stretch out his hands one each side
to show he left with nothing in.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
____________________________________
A wise man once had got so rich,
and gathered tanks of gold at home.
He asked his sisters once a year
to rub the gold and find the sum.
He was respected by all men
as he helped all who had a need.
He spent on people quite a lot
despite all that his gold increased.
The city and the countryside
respected him for his great wealth.
He did his best to gain their love,
but gold moved their hearts and their breath.
He wrote in his will ere he died
to make two holes in his coffin,
and stretch out his hands one each side
to show he left with nothing in.
BY JOSEPH ZENIEH
____________________________________
Published 22nd May 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
28th May 2019 5:31pm
Your last line is a horrible inversion that shows that you are more interested in obtaining rhymes than in writing well.
You also seem to be unaware that a conscious choice to leave life with nothing in one's hands is not the same thing as being "left empty handed". To leave "empty handed" is to be deprived by chance or circumstance of getting what one expected to get" "to depart having failed to obtain or achieve what one wanted."
This is hardly what your are claiming was the final state of your man of wealth. So your piece is poorly written and does not say what your title says you are going to be depicting.
You also seem to be unaware that a conscious choice to leave life with nothing in one's hands is not the same thing as being "left empty handed". To leave "empty handed" is to be deprived by chance or circumstance of getting what one expected to get" "to depart having failed to obtain or achieve what one wanted."
This is hardly what your are claiming was the final state of your man of wealth. So your piece is poorly written and does not say what your title says you are going to be depicting.
29th May 2019 7:58pm
Dear Baldwin,
This poem, which you don't like, is very well received everywhere. You don't like it; you surprise me. Actually, l am not convinced at all by the reasons you give. I love two things in a poem, namely the good rhythm and the thought, and sometimes l use inversion for that purpose. A lot of people like my poetry. I try to please you. If l can't, l am very sorry because l see you as a dear friend. JZ
This poem, which you don't like, is very well received everywhere. You don't like it; you surprise me. Actually, l am not convinced at all by the reasons you give. I love two things in a poem, namely the good rhythm and the thought, and sometimes l use inversion for that purpose. A lot of people like my poetry. I try to please you. If l can't, l am very sorry because l see you as a dear friend. JZ
"This poem, which you don't like, is very well received everywhere."
Really? **Everywhere**? Where exactly has this strangely titled writing ("empty **a**nded??) been posted? I haven't seen it appear on any critical online poetry forums, like Poetry Free For All. For that matter, I haven't seen it (and I've looked) appear on any except one of the many vanity sites, where there's been only one comments which does not say anything about how well written (or not) "He Left Empty (H)anded" is. And, so far as I know, it's not been published in any printed poetry journal. So "everywhere" is a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it? As is your claim that it has been "well received".
And what ability to distinguish good writing from bad do those who have received it "well" actually have?
Really? **Everywhere**? Where exactly has this strangely titled writing ("empty **a**nded??) been posted? I haven't seen it appear on any critical online poetry forums, like Poetry Free For All. For that matter, I haven't seen it (and I've looked) appear on any except one of the many vanity sites, where there's been only one comments which does not say anything about how well written (or not) "He Left Empty (H)anded" is. And, so far as I know, it's not been published in any printed poetry journal. So "everywhere" is a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it? As is your claim that it has been "well received".
And what ability to distinguish good writing from bad do those who have received it "well" actually have?
7th Jun 2019 10:34pm
Dear Baldwin,
Thank you very much for your answer. I am very surprised at your long-winded answers. May l ask what your job is. You have plenty of leisure time. That surprises me. Sometimes, l don't answer because l don't have enough free time for that purpose. JZ
Thank you very much for your answer. I am very surprised at your long-winded answers. May l ask what your job is. You have plenty of leisure time. That surprises me. Sometimes, l don't answer because l don't have enough free time for that purpose. JZ
8th Jun 2019 4:02pm
Yet you have enough free time to write and post your form bound, forced rhymed "poems" and to post replies to my observations about your statements that dodge the questions I ask of you.
And how would telling you what my job is demonstrate the truth of your claim that this "poem" has been very well received **everywhere** and by people who have the critical acumen to know whether it is or is not well written?
And how would telling you what my job is demonstrate the truth of your claim that this "poem" has been very well received **everywhere** and by people who have the critical acumen to know whether it is or is not well written?
