the ghost who has no host

Why did you leave me here
After your touch?
A metaphorical touch –
Once was too much.

Of everything I was, everything I made,
Nothing remains
That bears my true name.
Because nothing I did, or thought, or said
Sat as deep as the open wound sits in my core;
An always renewing open sore
That rips and closes and rips afresh
Every night.

Now that I’ve known this deepest touch
How am I supposed to live my life
When nothing matters
Everything pales
In comparison to this light?

The wound is too open;
I doubt the form
Through which I knew it
Could himself heal.
Even his attention
Wouldn’t be enough
To seal.
It’s mine forever alone.

I’ve lost my peace ’til the final sleep
From a touch too deep – any deeper
And we come out to the sea of stars
At the core of each cell,
The hole in the shell,
The diamond you search for –
What did you find?
An ever-open starry sky.
You wanted a treasure to have and to hold
But what you found was a portal out of this world.

How can I live here anymore?
I found what I was looking for.
Now all I want is to merely die
I have business here no more.

Every picture that I took,
Every poem that I wrote,
Everything I know I am,
Identities and names,
Are lost off me, fallen into the sea,
And merged into the waves.

None of them have a tie to me.
Tell me, how am I to marry
If the only marriage real to my heart
Is the one of completion, together, apart?

Why did you leave me?
I throw sand at the sea,
Angry at you, then I drop to my knees.
You have me forever,
“You” who is none –
From your brief touch I have come undone.
I am no one,
I only move, only do
As I wait to die.

All day all I can think of is I;
All night all I can think of is you and cry.
I’m incomplete without you,
Always reaching, always longing.
I never will find you trapped inside a form again;
The shell fell off and all I’m left with
Is the ghost
Who has no host.

03/04/11