Late post partum

Post partum depression ? Is that what this shit is? Never planed to be a mom hell I didn't see my self making it to 30... But now it's different I have a lil boy who's smile makes everything else fade away... But then I'm suddenly ill and unable to feel anything besides fear what if I'm a terrible mom following in the foots steps of my female family genes...
Suddenly I forget how to be patient and get worked up at his cry for attention wanting to be held till my arms cave and feel like they have fallen off. Once the frustrations subside I finally break down and cry holding my beautiful baby boy telling him I'll make it all ok one day I'll figure out how to get past this feelimg of being trapped unable to run . promising one day we will all be together in our own place...
And hopefully I will no longer cry holding him tight but instead. Well all be happy not just wearing a fake smile.