Never again will you blow me away into the nothing and leave me defeated.
I have had enough and I will not bow to what lies beneath.
I will never again live in the polyamorous relationship of the dark of you and the dance with the devil and crawl through the red cold river of my own blood and be torn in two.
I used to try and negotiate my way through the mine field that seemed to characterize my relationships, distant and not so very distant, in some complex mix of intuition, mistrust and false courage and more often than not, I felt so tired and totally ready to just call it quits.
But you see, I have come to realize something since I stopped my solitary fade away, like some unknown soldier, and I have learned to break the silence that once encapsulated all I thought I was.
I learned that I am not hopeless and your once tight tourniquet that would often leave me so cold and hollow within my own skin, can no longer lie to me in its attempt to bury me alive in the torrential rain of my pain.
I finally had the epiphany that life isnít going to sugarcoat anything and although failure would prefer I wallowed in the shallow bay of self medicate in the dark until the end and taunt me with the thought of who wants to live forever, I now refuse to allow myself that mindset.
I have learned to appreciate and enjoy the silence without you.
Iíve grown within the simple design of the anthem of angels and have began to feel so close to heaven that the great divide has become a welcome home whenever my time may come.
So now, I feed the wolf within me and even if the ashes of eden fall, I know that if failure ever tries to fight me again and drag me under water, I have the internal strength and personal belief that I can crawl out of whatever pit of despair sooner or later.
Because I know, whatever pain is trying to phase me, there are definitely better days ahead and that hope alone, is enough to break my fall.