Fiddle Contest

All I wanted was a fucking Slurpee so I drove to 7-11,
I pull up smoking a fatty and blaring my music,
there's a guy digging in the front dumpster
I walk past him, and I think about it for a second
and I offer him a couple bucks for a drink or whatever
he gets all huffy and offended and says
"Jesus died on the cross for you, what has satan ever done"
and because I'm a smart ass I say
"I'm pretty sure he created the peacock, and if you ask me
and you did, I think it's way cooler than dying on some cross"
holy shit, this guys whole face and demeanor changed
so I walked into the store and proceeded to make a bomb pop Slurpee,
he walks over all angry and starts screaming
"we got ourselves a religious scholar here"
I make my way from the blue flavor over to the red
and he is still screaming and
fingers all in my face
I try to ignore him, but it's
early and I can be stupid
so I roll my eyes up into my head and in my best devil voice
I turn to him and I say "aren't we all Gods children"
there were 8 people in the store who also looked a bit shocked
but the man was pretty
much convinced at that point
I was possessed, because he starts praying and seriously
saying weird Latin shit and walks backwards out of the
store, still chanting and praying,
I thought offering the dude some money was a nice gesture apparently not....