deepundergroundpoetry.com

Think. Overthink. Repeat.

All I ever wanted was someone to be proud of me.  
…no  
All I ever wanted was someone to make me feel proud of myself.  

All I ever wanted was someone to make me feel.  
All I ever wanted was someone that I could feel.  
Feel their sorrow so I could forget mine.  
Feel their joy, that would fill the void where my own should have been.  
Feel their feelings, so I wouldn’t have to be ashamed of my own.  
Believe their beliefs, so I had a reason not to believe mine.  
A reason to feel guilty for being wrong.  
To punish myself for being a wrong being.  
For being.  

All I ever wanted was someone that didn’t care,  
So I wouldn’t have to either.  
All I ever wanted was someone that needed me,  
So I could care for them instead.  
All I ever wanted was someone that I would need,  
So I wouldn’t need myself.  
All I ever wanted was someone that I could see,  
Because I couldn’t stand looking at myself.  
All I ever wanted was someone that I could be,  
So I didn’t have to be myself.  
 
I’m scared to be free,  
Because I’m scared to be me.  
I’m only rarely scared to die,  
I’m rather scared to be alive.  
Because how could I ever decide  
On how to live a life,  
If all the time I go and hide  
Instead of learning how to love?  
Imprisoned by the shackles of my mind,  
In the endless cycle of repeating all of the above.
Flumen
Written by Flumen
Published
Author's Note
A poem I wrote when I was awake for a very long time. It's about my search for identity, and how I confused filling the emptiness inside of me for love.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Tabitha_june
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