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Image for the poem Oh, The Gods?

Oh, The Gods?

 
When I prayed to God for a miracle
To re-grow both of my legs
I got no answer
Just like in childhood
Just the same as always
Or the answer I got was no
Or maybe even more likely
He didn’t give a shit
Or, He didn’t actually exist

When I asked Allah
For the same miracle
Despite riding a winged horse
To the moon and back
He was busy consummating his marriage
To Aisha a nine-year-old child
And claiming the last revelation of God
Apparently, he must have been too busy
To consider a lowly cripples request

I asked the Lord Buddha
To do the very same miracle
I meditated for such a long time
Until I was almost transcendental mental
Sitting crossed legged had become second nature
The answer came back
There is no spoon
Moreover, there are no legs
I kinda knew that

I asked Hare Krishna about the same
He was quite busy
What with all that chanting
Music and dancing
Thought that dancing was rubbing salt in the wound
One of his followers smiled a weird hippy smile
And said, “Shout Kerranga!” I dutifully did
Nothing happened and they went on their merry way

I asked Thor
To busy playing at war

I asked Mother Nature is she could
Too busy replacing wood

I asked St Frances of Assisi was there a chance
He ignored me talking to animals, birds, and plants

I asked Zeus
He was of no use

I asked Venus
She was too obsessed with my penis

I asked Odin
He did nothin

I asked Apollo if he could shock me
Too busy planning a comeback with Rocky

I asked Aphrodite
She was too flighty

I asked Hypnos but not a peep
But then most of the time he’s asleep

I asked Dionysus, that annoying punk
Didn’t help he was passed out drunk

I asked Hermes could he rise to the occasion
He wasn’t in, he was on vacation

At my wit's end, I spoke to Satan
We made a deal
He would make me the strongest man in the world
I would have dorsal fins at the back of both stumps
I would be able to swing faster than a barracuda
No human would be able to beat me
He also offered me riches and bitches
And the captaincy of the Lake Of Fire Swim Team”
And Hells chief swimming coach
With countless ladies breasts to stroke
All he wanted in return was my loyalty
And my soul
So, I took the deal
What’s not to like
Better the devil you know.
Written by David_Macleod (14397816)
Published
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