THE WORD AND VERSE                      Issue 1 - P3

  The word and verse is an independent publication put together by  members of DU for the purpose of entertainment and is in no way intended to offend or cause suicide.                            
           
             A day in the chambers of the UN          
           
The session kicked off normally enough. Members from the United Kingdom called for sanctions against Iran.          
           
They also wanted compensating for the prize -Charles and Diana tea set that was smashed during the recent storming of their embassies in Tehran.          
           
Things went quickly downhill though when a member from the United States asked a Pole if he could come over to his house and fix the tiles on his roof.          
           
Seamus said he was sick of the Polish undercutting the Irish all the time and added that he knew a good roofer from County Cork that would do a better job than any Pole.          
           
The Russian delegation taunted the Americans by holding up dead fish covered in crude oil.          
           
This had the unfortunate effect of pissing off the Kiwis who had suffered a recent oil spill of their own.          
The New Zealand delegation stood on their tables and performed a Hakka before charging at the "Red Commie bastards"          
           
The Canadians appealed for calm.          
           
A member from the German delegation then asked one of the Greeks          
if he might have a lend of some money for the coke machine.          
           
Stavros the Greek looked the German in the eye and told him to "go to hell, and while you're down there ask Hitler for some money."          
           
The Canadians walked out in disgust at the whole sorry affair.          
           
Herr Schmitt punched Stavros square on the chin, then led his delegation around the chambers doing the goose step while loudly singing "Das Lied der Deutschen".          
           
The Canadians walked out again in disgust at the whole sorry affair.          
           
The Israeli delegation proposed a motion to ban the Iranians from using the microwave in the canteen, citing the recent IAEA report that the Iranians are still trying to make a nuke.          
           
Voting was delayed because the Mexicans were missing, three were found hiding under the chairs of the US delegation and three more were found to be cutting the grass outside.          
           
The Irish delegation who apart from being suspiciously jovial and unbalanced requested they be moved from sitting inbetween Iran and Israel, explaining that they feared for their lives every time they had a sausage and bacon sandwich.          
           
When told that the seats were in alphabetical order they asked to change their name to Whodafuckizstan. This angered most of the Middle East delegations.            
           
When the Canadians walked back in to vote one of the Americans shouted "you should change your name to Izgoneizstan or Izbakistan."          
           
The Canadians walked out in disgust.          
           
-SR          
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 Q -- I think my boyfriend is having sex behind my back. What should I do?      
     
A -- Oh you poor thing. This is becoming a common problem amongst people nowadays. Mostly due to excess of alcohol and other de-inhibitors.      
You could try confronting him. Failing that, the next time you are having sex have a mirror handy; simply look in the mirror and see exactly who it is that is having sex behind your back.        
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           Poem Comp          
         
This word list exemplifies "forsoothery" (sometimes also known as "gadzookery"): archaic terms, especially as used in modern literature.          
           
http://phrontistery.info/archaic.html          
           
So if you feel like getting the quill and ink out and delving into the archaic, write an eight liner and post it to the comp thread. [i]winner and trophy will be announced next edition    
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**If all the emos donated their razors and knives to be melted down, just how many nipple clamps could be made for Miss_Sub          
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               Did you know?          
           
Poetic vicar;          
           
The Reverend Sabine Baring-Gould (1834-1924) wrote the hymn Onward Christian Soldiers, collected folk songs into books and wrote a book about werewolves. He also wrote the biography of an eccentric Cornish vicar named Robert Hawker (1803-1875). Hawker created the Harvest Festival service in 1843 and went through a phase of eating only clotted cream.          
Hawker also built a tiny hut from driftwood (now the smallest property owned by the National Trust) where he composed poems and songs, including the unofficial Cornish national anthem, The Song of the Western Men. His regular outfit was a pink fez and yellow poncho. When he died in 1875, everyone at his funeral wore purple instead of black at his request.          
           
           
[i]source QI interesting facts.          
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**Would the world come to a horrible and sudden end if SycophanticSlag fell in love?          
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                   Caption Comp          
           
Have a look at the pic on the page and provide a caption for it in the comments box, the caption with the most 'likes' wins.          
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Well folks, thats it for this edition of The Word and Verse.          
All going well we should be back in two weeks.          
Many thanks to all who have made us feel welcome and posted nice comments.(the comments will not give you immunity from muggle)          
           
Thanks to -AJ-EV-GGM-JT-SR-  for making this happen.          
           
Laters!!          
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