It’s Been a Hoot

 
“I am a wise old owl.”  
But it is mainly suffering  
That has brought me wisdom and creativity.  
I sometimes think I was put on this earth to suffer.  
Maybe the only meaning of my life was to rise above  
The suffering and expose it and call to action others
I have met others is a similar predicament  and was
Compelled to give first an ear and then support and love
If knowingly or unknowingly I have helped anyone
Helping them to get out of hell if this existence
Can there be a legacy much greater than that
 
I have loved but always lost
I have been given to have it taken away
Had more than enough pain and sadness
To cover at least two lifetimes, maybe three
From childhood, my soul has been tortured
As has my mind and body “broken for you”
A life of abuse that continues to this day
It is getting harder to find the strength to go on
There is a temptation to just let go and give in
This life constantly drives me to the brink
But time is short that is why I keep going
 
I am not playing the victim card or the disabled card
I don’t play at cards, never been in a casino
I am a fucking victim
I am a fucking cripple
There is no changing that
I just muddle on befuddled
I am questioned every day, nay interrogated
By all this darkness -  
“You still Here?”
“You are unlovable and worthless.”
“You are ugly and no one likes you.”
“Still here?”
 
And one day I won’t
Very few will be sad
Many more will be glad
Many will celebrate
Most will not give a shit
Most never did or do
All I will be left with is my words
Lost and burned along with me
Without any dreams of ashes
 
It would appear that something is still missing
And as a child and even an adult, I have never
Met or experienced real love, that romantic kinda love
Or even family love all takers, not givers
I starve for it I crave it, I’d sell my soul for it
It is predestined I will die starved of that very thing
Nothing makes up for that
You can all kiss my coffin lid
Certain others can just kiss my ass.