Untitled

No one can see the anger she held at bay in her heart. She could not tell you that but mostly you were a part of the reason why she was angry. She could not admit that every single breath she took caused her pain so badly she could barely think. How was she supposed to be able to believe that someone loved her with her mother always knee deep in meth and heroin, her daddy always in a jail cell or with some other bitch she never knew what was going on she never knew what to do when she finally got to see him she was afraid of not being enough for him, why would she think she that she was enough? She mother tried to sell her out for drugs, and her father never came to see her unless he needed something from her. She never had second thoughts she always knew that she was never enough. Her heart sank as he told that she was going to be a sister. She was never upset about being a sister her heart broke for that poor child she damn well knew no one would ever love her. She knew that the poor baby would have a fucked up life just as she had. She finally broke and lost her cool on the guy standing in front of her calling himself dad. She lost it she screamed “how the fuck could you do this. Mum’s always knee deep in meth and heroin and you are always with some new bitch every other day. You never even considered what I thought, maybe I want to have a say in what the fuck happens around here. You left me and mum tried to sell me out. You never came to visit me unless you needed something from me you really think that you are going to be able to take care of this new child? What about the one you already have? Ever think about maybe trying to fix the shit you have already fucked up?” he stopped her mid sentence and smacked her across the face. Somehow that didn’t faze her she picked up right were she left off. “Maybe you should have fucking stayed, maybe then you would have seen the shit mum did to me, the shit the guys she brought home did to me. You never gave a fuck did you? What the fuck did you think would have happened?” He cut her off “you really think this is what I wanted? When I found out your mother was pregnant I was terrified I didn’t know how I was going to deal with her and a child. Yes I loved you and your mother, but after she had you she pushed me away. I fought for you but in the end she won and I could not come see you, by law. I was not allowed near you. I fucking wanted to be here helping you grow up. I never wanted you to grow up in this shit, this is the same shit I went through I never fucking wanted that for you. You can stop blaming me now.” And with that he left. Never looking back, and never seeing her again. He didn’t even have the courage to admit he’d made a mistake. It was his fault.