A Little Here, A Little There

A little bit here and a little bit there
A drop of humor, a moment of fear
An analysis long but then throw it away
Blanken my mind to keep thoughts at bay
A sec of security, then an hour of doubt
Little signs everywhere turn me all about
Self-disparagement, then indignance,
Each minute steal a backward glance
Chase like a puppy, then to chase I’m affronted
Never could really pinpoint what it was I wanted.
Minutes of poetry to spill the crap out;
Feels like a solution, but it’s roundabout
Feels good to calm down but the problem’s still there
I never fix it, I just quiet’n the fear.
And I know I never do my fair share
In the game – I stand still and I wait
I’ve got a sharp hook but I put on no bait
I don’t wave it around – that’s for you to do.
Um, what, you expect me to dance for you?
Sneer! Tough luck, fish, go on your way
A big one will swim by me, and he’ll say,
“Well I see no bait but that sure’s a fine hook!”
I want a fish who can see my face clear through the brook!
No, I’m not unrealistic – you’re just materialistic!
And when I have to try goes my ego ballistic!
I never did try, just let you swim by
Forgetting we all get pulled ’long with the tide.
And if you want it grab it – but if you don’t, don’t cry.
It never happened, and I wonder why.
Snap out of it, girl! You could have the best!
Wake up do your makeup to chance leave the rest.
How my machinery does protest
When I try turning the gears the other way.

August 28, 2009,