Noodlewang & The Yoga Pants
You may have seen noodlewang
exiting the gym, sucking down
his low-fat, carb-free protein shake
combating those post-lift shivers
enter yoga pants from the left
with a vegan, breadless, green-filled wrap
stuffed with a zero-calorie alternative to food
resembling something I saw on the floor
of my kid Sisterís bunny cage.
If youíre lucky enough, yoga pants
will look noodlewang up and down
long enough to flick her hair suggestively,
adjusting her sports bra so she shimmers
noodlewang will rally a smile
strategically moving his gym bag
to hide the very obvious fact
dead-lifts made his manhood
retract inside itself.
Thereís nothing they can do
except repeat it all tomorrow,
gazing awkwardly across weights,
banana in hand, shorts realigned.
Strangest mating rituaI I ever saw.