The i-Dudes

Every morning
there’s a man
sat in a little coffee place
with an open laptop,
cell in hand,
typing useless figures
that just don’t matter

a matrix of spreadsheets
soaked up in caffeine.

He’s spitting buzzwords
like “board meeting” and
“let’s micro-schedule that”
whilst furiously tapping data
into a well-thumbed keyboard,
a graveyard of pretentious
muffins and lunch crumbs.

In terms of evolution
that’s why men are the more
prevalent masturbators

not because they’re perverted,
but because it prepares them
for using their hands
on more than one device
at a fuckin’ time.

Next time I jack off,
I’m thanking Steve Jobs
I can still remember
where I parked my truck.
Written by 24601 (John Brady)
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