Glaswegian Flirting And Foreplay For Beginners

Glaswegian men of a certain generation
Were dragged up from childhood
To respect and never hit a woman
I never have but I have hit some men who have
Community punishment writ large with fists
Occasionally with knives, razors, or guns
Paedophiles and rapists missing some bits
Painfully die in a pool of their own blood
As it should be
 
However, it must be said the Glaswegians
Can be course, no stranger to frankness
We must understand that Glaswegians “Cuss.”
As part of their every day common speech
If you don’t cuss when you’re not a Glaswegian
Glasgow men are not PC, nor do they have diplomacy
They have no filter and think that a proper pronoun
Is a posh English prostitute
 
So let's get started, shall we?
 
“Ho, sweethert, dae yae fancya  poke.”
Hello, young lady would one consider sexual intercourse

“Sae wid yae tak a nee trmebelur in the cer park?”
Sorry one is hoping one is not a bother, but would one kindly  
Escort me in to the car park for anal buggery
 
“Ho! sugur baps, gonnae play thu sash own ma slasher.”
Hello sweet mammary glands could one entice one to
Embark on failaiting ones organ of pleasure?
 
“Git yer gums roon ma plums Daphne Broon.”
Dear Miss Brown one would like to make an appointment
If one would enjoy a luncheonette of one's gonads

“Hawd ma shuper laggar wilsht I go tak a shite.”
I say, would one mind awfully holding ones dry Martini
With an olive as one must visit the little boy’s room.

Ho! Hen! Whit wud yae dae for a poke a’chips an a boatle o’thu bucky?”
Well hello. Might one enquire of ones willingness to exchange
Ones sensual activities, for a bag of deep fried Pomme Frites and
A bottle of the finest wine from the Buckfast Abbey
 
“A’ve goat thu purfect match fur yae, yoor mooth and ma tadgger”
My Dear, one believes we are a match made in heaven. To that end
The match would be ones ruby red lips and ones penile projectile
 
“See the necsht stoanner it’s getin tae fuck in ten minits, mak shoor yea’r owan it”
One is about to leave this hostelry going nowhere in particular. I have a phallis engorged
With blood, would one kindly do one the honour and climb aboard?
 
“Ah waa’nt tae go doon on yae, Ah waa’nt tae mak a beast o’ ma sell.”
Pardon me. Might one inquire if one would do one the honour of allowing  
One to dine out on the juices from ones vaginal canal, One is simply ravenous

“Ahm hopping yer nae own thu bloab
Oh flower of my heart, I am filled with love and hope that one is not currently  
Going through thy special time of the month when the red fairies visit
 
“Git yer jasekit yuu’ve pult.”
May one request one to inquire with the coat check as to the whereabouts  
Of one's coat, as one would very much like to walk out with you in the moonlight  
Cradling my arm in mine, if I may be so bold
 
 
If a Glasgow man blows you a kiss, this his  
Unsubtle way of asking for a blowjob
 
When a Glasgow man winks at you it is usually by  
Exposure of his fourth eye that he keeps under his kilt
 
Glasgow foreplay for men is simply
Four hours of begging
 
“Fuck it Ah’m aff”
Balderdash! Here endeth the lesson One must retire forthwith
 
"Oh aye dinnae thu sasannacls tak awe hi fulooting like turd buglars!"
adittionally the English talk properly and correctly like homosexuals