Six Years

A town drowned in tears
showcasing my fears

Every single one that developed there
started after an unanswered prayer

They ignored my screams
my only escape was in my dreams
Even so, there was no safety in sleep
terrified to make a peep
Shutting my legs, holding them tight
scared to struggle or fight
Let slumber disguise
these movements and these cries
I can't say no or make a sound
because of protection I'm to provide, I'm bound
They've sealed my fate
so angry, I'm filled with hate
Another one takes me to use
thinking I'm his to abuse

They pour themselves into me...so deep
I'm their bowl of secrets to keep

To tuck away from their sight
so they can hide, even in the light
Will this, one day, end?
so I don't have to wonder who's a friend
Or will you try to help yourself to my body too?
over the years, I've learned how to get through
Shocked that I'm still alive
unsure if my soul will survive
The tearing, the clawing these men do
looking at them, I wonder if anyone knew
Of the bruises or the damage they cause
either no one cared or knew what was

The light in my eyes going out
outsiders believe the smile without doubt
Upon me, my life has forced a mask
comfortable with a cover-up, they don't ask
Repressed and hidden
they take what's forbidden
At their touch, my body goes numb
wishing it didn't know who that touch is from

Lifeless, I lie in bed
wishing I were dead

No one else pawing at me
ignoring my numerous pleas
One instance of peace
my fears would cease
Being Lost would be bliss because I know exactly where I am
I'm not even here, in my place is a slaughtered lamb
My nerves shot
they still think I'm hot
A shell of the girl I used to be
but I wonder what it is they see

Curves they can stain
flesh they can make quiver in pain
Someone they can use
to be their unwilling muse
Dainty and quiet, an easy prey
a rebuffed advance...she must pay

Paying with my flesh and blood
my name being run through the mud
The troubled girl from a broken household
where everything had grown so cold
My home life is hell
but who could I tell?
They wouldn't believe me, I'm just a young slut
punishing myself, I deserve each and every cut

Slicing my skin
counting the sins

Going over everything they took
my scars could fill a book
I tell myself these show my struggle to regain control
but all I'm doing is slicing away pieces of my soul
Maybe if I'm ugly they will leave me alone
even with all the scars, he's here, I smell his cologne
Now I sleep with a knife
it's sharp enough to take his life
Or mine, if I do so choose
squeezing my body, he leaves another bruise
Again he's inside
my time, I bide
Until his guard is down
knife in hand, I turn around

His breathing is strained against my blade
if he screamed, no one would come to his aid
He would be alone, like me
I'd stop if he would just leave me be
But he always comes back
to terrorize and attack

Here we are with the blade to his skin
gleaming in the moonlight underneath his chin
So shocked, he doesn't know what to say
he's silent because he's too proud to pray
Locking eyes, I gave him a bloody bow tie
the cut so deep, his blood started to run down my thigh
His body convulsing as his life force drains
no on can help, he'd know this if he had any brains
Unburdened, I relax into his pool of red
releasing my tears, I'm free, he's finally dead

I open my eyes, he's still alive...he's still there
my fantasy becomes, yet, another unanswered prayer

Still inside, he resumes his assault
and I continue thinking it's my fault
Lying here, relinquishing my fight
giving up, choosing flight
I retreat into my mind
they broke me, I'm finally resigned
Detached from reality, withdrawn
waiting for dawn....