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Image for the poem Have You Ever

Have You Ever

 
Have you ever had sadness slowly creep up on you?
Uninvited  
Like evening mist
Or a bad smell
Staring in the pit of your stomach
Then the feeling that on your shoulders
As if you are carrying, two cartoon Acme anvils
You are the roadrunner that always gets caught
As you, slowly lumber from pillar to post
 
Sadness rapes your face
Puts a mask on - no permission
Even fat faces look sullen
A sepia photograph drained of colour
Your mouth becomes an upside-down clowns smile
Small amounts of foam in the corners of your mouth
The eyes have it
Like bloodhounds droopy blood sports
Not open, not closed
Like in the dawn of the dead
 
Your head droops down
Like you are doing important research on the ground
You make no eye contact
In case, they discover your filthy little secret
The one that you know nothing about
Those secrets are the scariest
 
You shuffle, scuffing shoes in the process
You can hear your dead mother saying
“Don’t Drag, lift your feet boy!”
You here your late father screaming
“Walk properly or I’ll break your legs!”
In this sadness, you can hear the dead speak
They are resurrected for your edification
Right at the time, you want to develop deafness
 
The sadness now on you follows you
It drives you to go home unwillingly
You sit in the kitchen with a little black rain cloud
Closely linked to your head and mood
“Oh bother!” Your expression of Pooh
You consider sleeping pills with a whisky chaser
You consider the rope, but you cannot reach
You consider the gun: ‘Too messy’
Ponder how long before your body is discovered
You worry abbot the maggots and the smell
You consider a halfway house - A razor
You ponder carving her name on your chest
Regardless
        Of feelings  
              Of hopelessness
                            Of despair
                                    Being loveless
                                                And unloved
                                                            You
                                                                  Stop!

 
Her name is already razor carved on to your arm
It didn’t make the slightest bit of difference
You’ve prayed and you’ve preyed
Nothing changes
Water is still wet
Haters still hate
Liars lie
Like their morals  
Your mood cannot get any lower
You are visited by your three regular friends
Loneliness, Solitude and Isolation
But which one to pick as your BFF
As you wallow in uncertainty
 
How can you be accused of playing the victim card?
When you truly are “The Victim”
I reconsider a holiday in Belgium
The tears of three make me reconsider
The poetic cabal unfollow on mass
The high priestess demands it
Regardless of consequences
Courting the idea of your suicide
Champaign corks popping
Party ensues, jello and pop
To go with the imagined clogs
 
Have you ever had sadness
Hit you in the face
With all the force
Of  a claw hammer?
Listening to people saying
Be like Nike and just do it
                  And  
                        You  
                              Just
                                    Comply
                                          And                                    
                                                Do
                                                      It!

 
 
“If a bear farts in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does is still smell?”
[ David Macleod April 2019]
Written by David_Macleod (14397816)
Published | Edited 9th May 2019
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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