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Poems
Spiritual
eternity
deepundergroundpoetry.com
eternity
to feel eternity
in a moment’s delight
catching the wing beat
of a bird in flight.
Written by
MonicaT
Published
3rd Apr 2019
| Edited
4th Apr 2019
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#spiritual
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likes
4
reading list entries
0
comments
3
reads
300
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. eternity
Ahavati
3rd Apr 2019 11:33pm
Monica, I adore the concept but the last two lines read a bit awkward. I think some edits could help the flow:
to feel eternity
in a moment’s delight
is catching the wing beat
of a bird in flight
These are just suggestions. 🐦
Read poems by Ahavati
1
Re. eternity
MonicaT
4th Apr 2019 1:21am
you always make relevant, significant suggestions. i welcome them!
i like the flow much better, it might change the intended meaning a bit.
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Re. eternity
jenjames
4th Apr 2019 4:41pm
oh how lovely this is! very nice
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