Ghosts of Anxiety
Ive told this story before, but I shall tell it again.
No matter how much better you get, the demons remain.
To end up back here was never in my minds plans,
But somehow my heart is wrenched in the devils hands.
A deep blue seduction, a curse if you will cast on the mind.
Illuminating self confidence into the darkest of blinds.
Not seeing a light at the end of tunnel can cause dark thoughts.
A hypnotic turn of events is whats leaving me distraught.
The feeling of not feeling like a priority to family.
An ache of not feeling like you’r slightly worthy.
A dysfunctional low, a solid punch in the lower gut.
Can honestly cause you to continuously think “what the fuck?”
How can one person take all that you had over your appearance.
It was a blow like no other to my power trip confidence.
I often wonder if this person is aware of the pain they have caused?
Are they aware they’ve made me feel like all I have is floors?
I’m aware that my monsters have come out from under my bed.
They’ve gone further and possessed every thought in my head.
Almost twenty six with no future to speak of is what I cant stand.
I just cant fake the “I’m ok” act, I can no longer pretend.
I’m far from the person that I once was, I’m sure he is dead.
Every inch of that soul was disturbingly misled.
The answer to living outside my mind is to sleep.
Because all my energy is given to the tears I weep.
Demons however find their voice whilst I’m trying to rest,
It's how they like to put my suicide thoughts to test.
I toss and I turn with the thought that life goes on?
I often think that sounds like lyrics to the saddest song.
I need help to float, swim even in the shallow of the pool.
I’m tired of asking god what I did to deserve something this cruel.
I’ve run out of ways to cry for help, to scream for that expression,
Because theres no known vanquish for the demon that is depression.
Its’ like the devil himself is laughing at me, to make me feel taunted,
With the ghosts of anxiety proving that I’ll forever be haunted.