subtext iii

[v.3.0_stutterings/mutterings... the scatter cushions are a conspiracy & i think the throw rug is in on it too... where is my antipsychotic?]

the details are in the filaments, the way the weft warps
growing unfamiliar beneath my cheek,
i do not understand the texture, the shades ov the fibres,
i am bereft
i am mourning lost time yet to pass
crawling back to it with the pipe clenched in my fist
reaching for it
don't want to be here
don't want to be here
don't want to be here
have to go, need to go
where the carpet is a familiar unknown

[error: pathway not found ... where are the crumbs where are the crumbs where are the crumbs where are the crumbs]

walls curve from my fingers, i drown myself in the tub
stare at the ceiling
scream beneath the scalding water.
i know & i don't.
this is not my soap tho it is,
i do not want it
i want the other one that perfumes my skin like...
like... like... uhmm
it matters to know one but me.
it's been a week & i have self-inflicted
self-induced the echoes
that make me bury my face in the pillow to shut it up
shut it up shut it up shut it shut it shut up
but the silence hurts
so i keep listening
slide along the tiles wet & bloodied
an abstraction

[revisiting the throw rug and other miscellany//odds & ends ov endings & other beginnings i don't understand]

i pick at the colors, dull as they are in this light,
they are beautiful in the other place
in the glow ov lead glass
there, i know only warmth
& your mouth against my spine
your hands on my pale thighs
but this is not there or then
or when...
... in moments ov lucidity, i revel in the silence
until i start speaking aloud to fill the void,
the hollow hours
you do not answer, i do not expect you to
but i can only carry the illusion so far
until i need to smoke again
& find a reality more acceptable than the shrine i'm building
for someone to find my bones in
Written by Earth_Child (shadoe)
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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