deepundergroundpoetry.com

IM FINE

I'm fine those two words that one lie
that bring me closer over the edge
I'm fine
waking up at 2 am
disgruntled confused
and sick not knowing where I am or who I am
I'm fine
lying about this to see who
my real friends are
those who see past my mask
and the ones who know when I'm fucked up and shaking
slightly crying
biding my time
scratching at the scars until i can breathe again
and actually
Be fine

And to know what that's like
and not
what it's like to lie
To be able to breathe without a sigh
And see the world with happy eyes

Hoping somebody asks what you're doing with that sharp pen
You reply with a sharp tongue
Im FINE

A mask
A book
A cover
Un-showing of its true contents
contents of horror and destruction
And monstrous thoughts
Im Fine
And fine its over the top though
Its over dramatic
Its overreacting
It's always over something
Over me
Over you
Until it's over

To not be able to be ok or feel ok
And right in my own skin
Because the people around you
and me
Always, "know what its like"
And can "Understand your pain"
Or there's worse and "You should be fine"
So i'm fine
I have to be fine
Am i so deserving of this
When my life is so seemingly fine
so seemingly normal
And undeserving of sadness and tears
When little Johnny across the street
Lost both his parents
in an accident
and Samantha from school was raped
over and over and over and over
And until she ran deep knives throughout the inside of her thighs
Am i allowed to be not fine?

When you can't make decisions on your own
Because everything you do
Is a question of is it right or is it wrong?
Because i'm not fine
I haven't lost as much
As maybe someone else
But i don't know
How or what to feel
Is there a requirement
A scale
A measuring of who is less fine
than another who is really fine
And who's just having a "moment"

Am i fine?
I guess
I have to be
Written by LostChildren (Coraline Riddle)
Published
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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