Floating Faeces

Floating Faeces


It seems to get dark,
So quickly in space,
Things seem to go missing
Without a trace.

Relieving yourself,
Can be somewhat of a task.
When there’s no gravity,
The senses are unmasked.

Rock-hard little pebbles,
floating in my face.
They float into your mouth,
leaving behind a nasty taste.

It makes you appreciate gravity,
When you can’t be hygienic,
You go for a sh*t – it floats in your face,
The view here is not quite scenic.

Wrestling my own faeces,
My life has seemingly unraveled,
How will my grandchildren remember me,
Hopefully ‘Into space he traveled’.

But I fear for my blood line,
That the story shall be told,
That dear old granddad Eugene,
Died cast in his own filth, not in Gold.

Reaching new depths of depravity,
This situation is all too morbid.
I’m my own feaces’ center of gravity,
I’m the axis on which it orbits.

Spiraling around me like a halo,
I look like the angel of waste.
There’s nothing left to do so,
I’ll sit here among this filthy paste.

Just as it all felt hopeless,
floating there I spy a blithe,
If there are supposedly eight planets,
I’ve just found a ninth.

A sh*t so massive in circumference,
It felt too hard to comprehend.
It couldn’t possibly be human – made,
Again, I felt reality warp and bend.

Larger than life,
On the outside of the space station,
It must’ve been from an Alien!
I drew up a citation.

“WHO DID THIS!?”
On an A4 neatly-written note,
I must attach it to this behemoth!
For on its producer I shall dote.

I threw on my spacesuit,
And opened the hangar doors,
I look for this vile obelisk,
When overhead it soars.

Off quickly I take after it,
With my note and drawing pin,
To stick this paper right to it,
And find some happiness within.

I approach the sticky surface,
All too eager to leave my mark,
When I find myself trapped in its embrace,
The fear and terror quite stark.

For in my eager rush,
To on its surface land,
I’d neglected something quite simple;
It had a surface like quicksand.

Deeper and deeper I go,
It’s consuming me like a treat.
Within seconds it reached neck-height,
but had only started at my feet.

So if you’re ever exploring in space,
Remember this simple trick,
Stay well away from,
this massive alien sh*t.