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‍‍‍Chapter 1

‍‍I was always the kind of kid
that had to sit at the grown up table
'cause I wanted to see the world through
their grown up eyes
drinking in all the ideas and philosophies
they laid before me
as I just listened

He wore black skinny jeans
drank black coffee
and smoked roll-your-own cigarettes
one of my dad's workmates
he was the coolest person
my nine year old eyes had ever seen
leather skinned, grey haired
a million stories in the lines of his face
that I would never get to know
and I believed him when he told me
he lived on black coffee and cigarettes

It would be another decade
through sleepless nights and my protruding rib bones
that I learned you can't live on black coffee and cigarettes alone

Chapter 2

She was the first goth I'd ever met
she listened to Nirvana and Marilyn Manson
wore ripped black denim
shaved her head when she was sixteen
and got me drunk on Johnny Walker Red Label
when I was fourteen

And I so desperately wanted her to like me
but I was too innocent
and uncultured in the musical world
of anything that wasn't in the top 40
plus I couldn't figure out why anyone
would think Marilyn Manson was cool
but I still pretended to like him
just to piss my parents off

My emo years were still ahead of me
and I hadn't figured out then
that there was no liberation
in musically romanticised self-destruction

Chapter 3

When I was 24 I bought
a pre-distressed pair of black jeans
from a chain store
and wore them like the rebel I wanted to
when they fell apart I laced the gaping knees up with shoe laces

My best friend at the time
said I looked like I'd got dressed in the gutter
I told her in was gutter chic
and refused to wear anything that
wasn't grey, black or red
and falling apart

I wasn't going to be shamed out of my derelict aesthetic
though mostly it was just a silent commentary
that said I won't bow down
to people who want to change me
just cause the way I look makes them uncomfortable

Chapter 4
These days I prefer blue jeans

Indie Adams 2019
Indie
Written by Indie (Miss Indie)
Published
Author's Note
Written to the theme of denim
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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