deepundergroundpoetry.com

The Engbergs (and my kitty Penelope)

It's okay I was your high school crush.                                
Jaeda Engberg.
You'll never understand the monotony of your character, your ego, your piggy backing on others progress and hidden jealousy of it all.
The daily drawl of just running through the motions.
Not ours, not mine, but yours.            
You thought you won and didn't.                                                         
We should have called it quits a year in...maybe two...
When you stopped saying 'our' and started using 'mine'.
As if you had done everything alone.
 
You don't truly know poverty and never will...                                                  
You don't know and can't understand the depression and the anxiety and you will honestly never    
ever  
even try...                                          
Your life has always been too easy for that and beesides,    
it might ruin your image.                                                                                                                                  
I can't believe the best part of my day in the morning were  the thoughts of                                                  
'Is she gone yet?'                                                                                                                                
At times getting off of a 50-60  hour work week,                                                                        
making me quit jobs to pay more attention to you,                                                                    
then complaining I wasn't making enough money when the bridges were already burned,                                                                      
and have to listen to or read texts of you having a single unpleasant customer.
Well...  
That was before you broke my phone because I was....  
you know...  
I was using it...   
Not only for work and searching for more
but to stay in contact, to keep in touch with friends and deeply trusted ones I had known for over a decade from different cities and countries. People I'd known before I had ever even met you.                                                                                       
(sorry you never explored anything besides France. All on the parents dime.)
Basically, you are the embodiment of entitlement, nepotism and privilege.                                                                                                               
I wasn't drunk when i was falling and bruising up.                                                                      
I was having seizures.                                                                        
(which i've realized has been happening since I was a kid...also your punch to my face didn't help.)                
                 
and then at night,                          
driving home from a 17 hour work day between two jobs.                  
                 
'god I hope she's in bed'                                                                                                                    
'I hope so....'                                                                                                                                    
                                                                                                                                     
You only care about your looks.                                                                                                                                    
How you are perceived.                                                                                                                                    
I'm not angry about it anymore.                                                                                                                                    
Just annoyed that i had put up with you and your family for so long.                                      
I was your scapegoat for all of your mistakes and insecurities.                                                                                                                           
and you lied about Penelope...                                                                                                                                  
(MY kitty)          
                                                      
I know I was the cheat at first...          
After near six years          
And I accept and will continue to stand by my decisions.            
But you bragged about fucking someone else the day we broke up, after near two years of no sex or anything that resembled intimacy with me...  
(which tells me you had been seeing somebody else as well)    
I busted out laughing when we called it while I was in a hotel with somebody better. I laughed even harder remembering coming home unexpected and how you ran to your phone and took it to the other room. I thought it odd later but I was far to gone with caring anymore.
I remember my friend making a masturbation joke at a dinner.                                                                            
You laughed and said 'He doesn't need to do that.'                                                                            
I rolled my eyes after it being the first year of nothing.                                      
                 
and then you tried to house shame me out the door in front of your fake friends.                
(Thank God you were dumb enough to keep the door unlocked like you always did, even when you changed the locks!? That's just....I won't go into it.) Regardless, that way (or luck), i was able to just grab my stuff and never see you again.                                                            
and you still obsessively messaged me over social media over trivial things.                                                                             
So....I guess we're even.                                                                                                                                  
and now I don't know where my kitty is                                                                                                                                      
The last thing I did in that home,                                                                                                                            
was hold Penelope,                                                                                            
Comfort her.                                                                                                                       
put our foreheads together,                      
kissed her,                                                                                                                            
and said 'don't worry I'll be back for you. please just give me time okay?'                                                                                              
She meowed and followed me to  the door.                                                                                              
I started to cry outside.                                                                                                                    
                                                                                                                    
Not from our breakup, it was the best/relieving part of my day, maybe even my life.                                                                                                                        
But it was not knowing when I would see my kitty again.                                                                                                                          
You messaged my love once. 'have fun taking care of a child'.                                                  
To that I say                                    
'Are you still having fun being taken care of by your parents and riding on their last name and money alone at almost 30?'                                
and i'm the child?'                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                             
So Jaeda Engberg.                                                                                                                            
You and your family (minus your mother) were and are just so boring and mundane.                                                                                                                      
and in the first two years                            
and if we're bragging about having sex with others,                                                     
I was with 6 other women.                            
(not including kisses...)                                
                               
One of the kisses was the 2nd most important.                                
I'm talking about Italy dreams.                                                                                      
Yeah,                                                                                      
I kissed her.      
                                                                                  
It's all just...                                                                                      
                                                                       
*sigh*                                                                            
It's all just...      
You are scared of your vagina.                                                            
And for some reason i'm still worried....                                                                                            
(seriously though...get it checked out...it's the responsible thing to do as an 'adult' Woman)                                                                                                     
 and finally.                                              
                                                                                             
That 2000 dollar couch your parents paid for?                                                                                                                
The Woman you caught me with?        
The one you actually called the cops on?      
 We made love on it that same day.                                                                                    
                                                                                   
And think for a second,                                    
that you are so terrible,                                    
that I tried to kill myself almost 10 times when I was with/because of you. Just....                                    
Think about that.                                                                                     
and to answer your question about the other Woman and now love?                                    
Yeah it was fucking worth it.                                                            
She got me away from you and your family.                                                      
                                                                
You Cunt.
Harold-Weathervein
Written by Harold-Weathervein (Levi Braathen)
Published | Edited Yesterday
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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