[ CC ] Alone In The Creek Bed

Nicely done!

By way of honest critique:

Stanza one, I liked the way that having opened with a suggesting of gardening/farming, it then becomes clear that this is a metaphor for poetic critique and analysis.  "weeding long rows of prose" is pleasing a line :)

L2 beginning with "away ..." whilst I don't have sufficient poetic knowledge to know why, it just doesn't sound right.
L4 feels weak to end the stanza, although again I am unable to say why.  Perhaps it needs a comma after "fields".  "Today" doesn't;t really add much, unless you want to draw attention to it being TODAY.

So, you could make minor adjustments such as:
Having toiled another morning sun
with hoes in blistering hands
weeding long rows of prose
in fields planted by others



L5 doesn't sound quite right, and might be better as "we break in the shade of poet trees" or maybe "we break, under poet tree shade" or something.

L8, L9, L10
you and I giddilly drinking from a
stumbled-upon babbling brook of
impromptu conversation;

Giddilly is a typo and should be giddily.  Ending L8 with "a" makes is sound awkward, and "a" is not a particularly inspiring word to end a line (which gives emphasis).  Similarly the L9 ending "of".  These three lines might be better as:

you and I giddily drinking
from a stumbled-upon brook
babbling impromptu conversation


In the final stanzas, perhaps drop the opening "and" on L13

L13 laughing it up   <--- dispense with the opening "and"

And in the (rather lovely) final stanza, just a minor reword (for emphasis).
this wonderful oasis, written
just for us



Keep in mind that these suggestions are, of course from a total novice.

I appreciate the indepth critique, SeaCat. You are hardly a novice. I imagine you've been writing for a good plenty of years.

As far as away and today go, I'm big on rhymes. And sometimes you have to break habits and experiment. Doesn't always work out LOL

As for shade, you can only be in it, just as you can only be under a tree ( unless you crawled into a woodpecker hole .... )

Good eye on the "giddily" .... its hard to see digital L's next to one another.

I agree that 8,9 & 10 and could use some finessing and I'll mull over the rest.

Poetry since April/May 2017.

You're right about being in the shade - I had never thought about it before.  Thank you for pointing this out - my learning is suitably incremented ;)

Awwwww! Perfect! Thank you!

This certainly captured Levertov's essence in "Eros at Temple Stream".  The quiet and slow, methodical soapy strokes of warm hands against warm bodies in contrast with the cold, rushing, and sounding river painting such a sensual picture.  Yours takes it further by incorporating poetic terms and metaphors.   Both demonstrate a private kingdom of amorous desire.  Just lovely.  Honestly.

I can so see us borh unplugging ourselves and unwinding with brandy and wine after a day of honest critique, though perhaps in the tub if a stream isn't handy LOL. ❤📝💋

I like the horticultural allusion with its seamless shift to the written word. Mildly erotic in a good way!

Thank you kindly, Ammonite.