Blasphemy

Got a subscription to the New Yorker  
Thought I could handle it  
Having read an article in my dentist's office
While waiting for root canal  
Finding out that literature called my bluff  
I'm a simple man with expensive lust  
That damn magazine is dense in thought  
Though skinnier than it used to be  
 
I took the bait  
I'm no intellectual  
Living on the wrong side of Park Avenue  
That mag shows up every Tuesday  
They pile up on the end table  
Waiting for me to find the courage  
I tell my wife I need to rent a motel room  
Drink gobs of coffee or smoke some meth  
Read all 12 magazines cover to cover  
Bathroom breaks only  
Chopped cheese sandwiches from the bodega  
Emerging a week later  
Not shiny or new  
Those cartoons used to be funnier